Monthly Archives: October 2009

Dreaming of Wet Leaves and Bunnies

It’s 5am and Otis is licking my face.  Ughhhh.  He needs to go outside and take a leak.  Joy.

Being the responsible dad I get outta bed, slide into my sneakers, thrown on my raincoat, fasten his leash onto his collar and head outside.

It’s predawn (5am) cold (40 degrees) raw (raining) and I am standing with my dog and I am wearing a t-shirt, soccer shorts, sneakers and raincoat on my front lawn.  I am not cold, I feel, well, alive. 

Otis and I are both answering natures call when I am jolted out of my “nature’s call” meditation by the cries of coyotes not 50 feet from where we are standing….or should I say leaking. 

Jolted may not be accurate.  Accurate would be – “when I have the crap scared out of me and I piss all over my leg because I am confident that I am about to get attacked by some fiendish unseen ghoul.” 

The sound the coyotes make can best be described as a most heinous combination of laughter and death scream.  It’s a sound that I associate with vintage Stephen King.  At least it’s the sound I would create in my head when reading vintage Stephen King.  Vintage as opposed to formulaic.

To my utter amazement, my friend Otis (the dog with the genetic pedigree to be the protector of the flock) instead of responding to the coyote screams with barking and protection, runs and hides behind me.

I stand there not moving, searching the woods that frame my lawn with my eyes for any movement. 

I hold my breath in hopes of hearing the rustling of new fallen leaves indicating the ghouls are moving.

Nothing.  Not a damn thing.

Then, without warning a second flurry of coyote screams and  laughter.  No response from Otis.

Ok, now I am pissed (no pun intended).  I scream at the coyotes and then I hear the rustling.  They are moving away – I think they are laughing as they dance off deeper into the woods.  Laughing I am sure that they made me piss all over my leg.

I turn around to find Otis totally oblivious to any of the drama that had just occurred.  Nope, he is sitting there more interested in the leaf stuck to his nose than any death match standoff we just had with the coyotes.

I slog back into the house, wash off my leg and lay back in bed, soon joined by a 90 pound sheepdog who lays next to me and puts his wet leaf encrusted head on my chest.  Instantly he falls asleep and starts snoring.  I have no such luck.  The adrenaline from our encounter with the evil coyotes is preventing me from finding sleep.  Otis on the other hand is probably dreaming of bunnies and wet leaves.


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Plastic Bag Poop Picker Upper

A couple facts: 

I am a jerk
I love animals
I tend to avoid preaching to people about anything.  I do enjoy a good debate and I have strong opinions and respect others who may have differing opinions.
I am a forgiving person

However, this morning I am conflicted about whether I should be happy for Michael Vick given his new marketing deal with Nike or should I be angry with Nike about signing a convicted dog torturer and killer to help them sell their brand.

Funny how two plus years ago Nike couldn’t distance themselves fast enough from the troubled Vick.   Shit, they would have beat that Bolt dude in a 100 meter race hands down.  Yet now, after the NFL has welcomed him back into their fold, Nike once again, has entered into a contract with Mr. Vick to help them sell their shit. 

I know, he served his time….blah, blah, blah.  Here’s a guy who with no demonstrated remorse – until he got caught – either participated in or was party to killing of dogs by electrocution, slamming them onto the concrete floor or drowning them.  Three words – Fucking Douche Bag.

This was not accidental, this was not a crime of passion, this was premeditated.  Can you imagine waking up in the morning thinking about how you’re going to kill a dog today?  I am curious, how does the state or  the NFL rehabilitate someone from thinking that way.  Maybe an electronic sound soother that mixes happy puppy barking, whale sounds and rainforest thunderstorms?  No really, how does one rehabilitate someone who has no issue with killing dogs.  Is there somewhere in this country a rehab center for dog torturers and dog killers?  Is it true that one day you wake up and say I am not going to kill dogs anymore?  Bullshit. 

It makes me sick.  But what can I do? 

My guess is Michael Vick will be a model “NFL citizen.”  Shit, if I lost over $100 million due to my own evilness and had the chance to get some of it back by changing my colors I would do my best to convince everyone that I am a puppy loving, doggie grooming, plastic bag poop picking up dog lover.

Then there’s Nike.  The multinational, multi billion dollar corporation led by Mark Parker (President and CEO).  What can I do – not much.  However I will not ever, ever, spend a single cent of my money on a Nike or Nike division (Converse, Hurley, Nike Golf, Umbro) product again. 

I love this Nike Responsibility mission statement found on their website.  Mission position (bend over) might be a better phrase.

Nike sees corporate responsibility as an integral part of how we can use the power of our brand, the energy and passion of our people, and the scale of our business to create meaningful change.

The opportunity is greater than ever for corporate responsibility principles and practices to deliver business returns and become a driver of growth, to build deeper consumer and community connections and to create positive social and environmental impact in the world.

I wonder what those Nike marketing headliners like Tiger Woods, Michael Jordon or Lebron James think about adding Michael Vick as a Nike brand peer.

Hey Tiger – you and Mr. Vick going to play some golf soon?  Probably.

Maybe I shouldn’t be so hard on Nike – they have a wonderful Foundation that is doing great things for adolescent girls around the world and they are committed to working for climate change and supporting rainforest preservation.

Maybe, I will come around one day and believe that Nike is doing more good than harm in this big world of ours.  

That day my friends, just doesn’t happen to be today.

Update – hot off the wire as of 11:05 am….remember when the wire actually meant something and it wasn’t simply a name for some cable show…..

Nike is now saying that don’t have a contract with Michael Vick. Nike is simply saying that have reached an agreement to supply Mr. Vick with Nike product.  

Stay tuned kids to this same bat channel for further Nike Vick updates.  NOT!!!!!!


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