Monthly Archives: January 2009

Cotton Tipped Killers – The Q-Tip Conspiracy

Let me first say that if this is my last blog you know they got to me.  Who is they – Unilever or Wyeth security teams. 

Why?  They both produce products that are dangerously addictive and are not needed.

What products – Q-tips and  Chap-Stick.  Today I’ll review those cotton tipped killers , Q-tips.

A quick little history – the Q-tip was invented by this dude Leo in 1923 and were originally called Baby Gays.  Baby Gays were later rebranded simply Q-Tip, can’t imagine why.

I am not a Q-Tip user.  Never have, never will be.  Most of the people I know who are addicted to Q-Tips  use the Q-Tip wrong.  These people are non-professionals when it comes to cotton tipped swab usage.  Because they are non-professionals they use the little cotton tipped pungi sticks wrong.  Yes, wrong. 

Every morning across America non-professionals are jabbing their ear canals and ear drums with these potential neurologically damaging cotton tipped cranial spears like a skin diver trying to spear that tasty fish in the coral reef.

Never, never, never should the cotton tipped little demons pass beyond the outer edge of your ear.

Yet everyday, millions of Americans do just that – they plunge these cotton tipped killers deep into the ear canal in search of some stray ear gik or ear spooge.  

Whatever, the gik and spooge are harmless and will manage itself if people just left it undisturbed.  Think about it – you want some giant cotton tipped thingee poking you in your comfy place?  Nope.  If it happened everyday you’d get pissed.  Guess what – the ear gik and spooge get pissed too!

When poked by some cotton tipped prod gik and spooge get enraged and begin to act out in various ways.  Maybe it’s an ear infection.  Maybe it’s a simple ear ache.  Maybe they go into overdrive and start to fill your head up with the gik and spooge.

Regardless – let the sleeping gik and spooge lie.  Don’t stick shit in your ears because you have no idea how close you are coming to dancing with the devil every morning when you perform this voluntary act of potential reckless self destruction.

For the record – I have never had an ear infection, never had major gik build up, never had an ear ache. 


Why – cuz I don’t let the cotton tipped demons anywhere near my ears!  Nope.  Never have, never will.

If you doan (as Ricky Ricardo would say) believe me – check out the below story!

Health Canada to review cotton swab labelling

Last Updated: Wednesday, February 6, 2008 | 8:50 PM ET

Health Canada said Wednesday it will review a coroner’s recommendation for stronger warning labels for cotton swabs, after a Montreal man died two days after piercing his eardrum with one.

 All cotton swab manufacturers must have a notice on their outer label that warns consumers not to insert the swab into their ear canal, Health Canada said Wednesday in a statement.

In a report released Tuesday, Quebec coroner Dr. Jacques Ramsay suggested including pictograms on cotton swab packaging that showed a small ear with a red X painted over it.

“In light of the Quebec City coroner’s report recommending a picture warning on the outer labels, Health Canada will be reviewing this recommendation and will take action, if necessary,” agency spokeswoman Carole Saindon said.

Daniel St-Pierre, 43, died last March of meningitis-induced intracranial complications caused by a bacterial infection he developed after accidentally piercing his eardrum with a cotton swab two days earlier.

In his coroner’s report, Ramsay said most consumers are not aware that even a single use of a cotton swab can cause fatal consequences, although on Wednesday he said he has only heard of four or five such cases.

“The infection starts in the inner ear, basically millimetres away from the brain. And that’s one of the rare but possible complications that the infection could go one step further,” Ramsay told CBC News.

Even in cases where cotton swabs do not cause an infection that leads to death, Ramsay said the innocuous-looking sticks can cause a range of problems for people who misuse them.

“If you talk to an ear, nose and throat specialist, they have tons of cases of perforated eardrums and some people with permanent hearing loss and vertigo, dizziness, symptoms like this,” he said.

Ramsay suggested people use their pinky fingers instead of cotton swabs to clean the insides of their ears. His recommendation was echoed Wednesday by nose and throat specialist Jack Rothstein, who said people should never put anything “smaller than an elbow” in their ear.

Rothstein said he sees 10 to 15 cases a year of eardrums that have been broken by improper use of cotton swabs or hair pins.

“If a non-professional puts a [cotton swab] into the ear canal, this could accidentally be pushed into the ear drum and cause a hole in the ear drum,” he said.

“And in fact, the ear is a self-cleaning organ, it does not require anything to be put into it in order to clean it, except if a professional has to do it in the office.”

Health Canada did not indicate when their review of Ramsay’s recommendations would be finished.

Read that again – they referenced non-professional cotton tipped swab users.  That’s YOU!


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