Monthly Archives: December 2008

Shhhhh, we’re hunting Plenty

Shhhhhhh, you are in luck.  I’ve decided to bring you along as Bob and I are out hunting for Plenty today.  Plenty can be pretty rare these daze.

Here’s the deal we hit the road and head south where we got into our Gulfstream G5, well not exactly ours, you see we sort of borrowed it from the runway area a Bradley Airport.  Heck, we’ll bring it back, I promise.

Man oh man is this thing nice – here is a nice shot of the breakfast I made.  You can see Bob in the….

g5i1.gif (180600 bytes)

wait a minute.  Goddamn you Bob, you’re not suppose to go invisible when I take the photo.  Ughhh, if you don’t remember Bob is my miniature, talking elephant who can make himself invisible when he wants.

Anyway, so we “borrow” this G5 and are off to hunt Plenty.  I think our first stop is going to be New York.  We’ll stop in at some of those big investments firms and see if there is any Plenty to hunt there.

We take off from Bradley and head south.  Our Captain, the dude flying the G5, doesn’t quite understand who we are and why we are in the plane but for the moment he’s buying our story. 

Well that was a useless trip.  No Plenty to be found in the Big Apple.  We visited Wall St and found no Plenty.  Seems all of the Plenty are hiding.  We even made are way over to Pine St to see if we could find any Plenty at AIG.  Nope, no Plenty there.  Of all places I figured AIG was a good place for some Plenty.  Heck, they were smart enough to leverage that bailout thingee and turn it into a nice executive weekend retreat a month or so ago.  Plus, as their slogan says, “they know money.”  If they know money then they have to know Plenty.  Nope, no Plenty.

Damn, this Plenty hunt is gonna be harder than I thought.

Hold on a minute, “Bob – get the hell outta the bar.  I can’t have you getting all boozed up before we get any Plenty.”

Whoa – “list you little midget fucking pachyderm, you throw another empty bottle of patron at me and I am going to bust one over your little invisible head.”

“OK, that’s cool, I can appreciate you being frustrated without finding any Plenty, however, we’re in this together you little peanut eating bastard, apology accepted.”

So off we jet, next stop is Detroit, Michigan.  I heard rumor that there was some Plenty in the Motor City. Captain Trips is doing a nice job flying the G5.  Shit the landing was perfect.  Well almost perfect, Captain Trips did cut off one of those baggage trolleys as he headed for a safe place to park next to the terminal.   Considering the amount of synaptic provocateurs I poured into his coffee the fact that he is still conscious is amazing.

Off to get us some Plenty!

What the FUCK!  We’ve been at the airport for 45 minutes and no limo from any “Big 3” automaker has shown up to take us to get some Plenty.  Damn.  I put in a couple calls and no one is around.  Even the union heads stood us up.

Duh, as I am standing here I see on television that the dudes I was supposed to have met are all in Washington, DC milking the big cow. Damn.

Now where the fuck is Bob.  I head out into the terminal and spot some gnarly looking tequila place.  If I know Bob he’s pounding some Patron in preparation for our Plenty hunt.  Man is he gonna be pissed when I tell him there’s no Plenty in Detroit yet.

Sure enough, there he is sitting at the bar with a half-empty bottle of Patron in front of him.  Hmmm, from the look of it he’s quite engaged in conversation with a very thin, tall blond woman.

Holy shit – Bob’s talking with Paris – yes that Paris. 

I gotta go introduce myself, plus we gotta hit the road if we’re gonna find us some Plenty.

Here I go….

“Excuse me Bob,” I say with a mix of responsibility and authority.  

“Hrrrrummmpphhh,” he responds back with a distinct air of “get the fuck away from me.”

“Hey, how are you today?” I say to the Blond, “I hope my friend Bob here isn’t being too big a pain in the ass.” 

“No, he’s actually very cute, we were talking about his last trip to Monte Carlo.”

“Monte Carlo,” I think to myself.  That little bastard went to Monte Carlo without me.

“Oh, he is quite the story teller, my name is Pat and you are?” I stand there staring at her thinking that she is far more beautiful in person than on the tv or in that video she made. 

“I am Paris, you knew that though didn’t you,” she said with a smile.

“Actually yes, but I didn’t want to be presumptuous,” I reply.

“So what are you guys up to,” she asks as she hands me a triple shot of Patron, “salt?”

“Thanks,” I nod, “no salt,” I say as I slam the nectar of the gods down my throat.  Damn I love Patron.

“We’re out hunting Plenty,” I tell her.  “We borrowed a G5 and are flying around in search of Plenty.  We’re about to leave and head over to Chicago to visit the Governor and see if he can direct us to some Plenty.  Word on the street is that he is the man in the Midwest when it comes to Plenty.  

“That is so cool, can I come,” she asks.

At this point Bob spits out a fair amount of Patron he was throwing back and in the most clear miniature elephant voice says – ABSOLUTELY.

I stand there speechless.  Paris is coming with Bob and me on our “borrowed” G5 to hunt some Plenty.

Way cool.

So, with Paris and a very drunk Bob in tow we make our way through the terminal towards the G5.  It’s actually pretty cool walking through the terminal with Paris.  People are looking at Bob and I and saying – who the fuck are they.  Bob is pretty funny, he keeps flipping everyone off and then he goes invisible.  Totally fucking with the people. 

We climb aboard the G5 and Captain Trips is pretty buzzed.  Somewhere he  got a hold of some of that faux snow spray for windows and he’s sprayed all the windows so it looks like there is snow on them.  In addition he’s traded his Captains hat for a fake red nose that he is wearing.  Very weird.  We assure him everything is cool and that Paris is here on her own – we are not holding her against her well.  We tell him that next stop is Ohare in Illinois.  He shouts, “ahoy little buddy don’t worry, I’ll guide you with my red-nose tonight,” and retreats back to the cockpit.

Bob hits the bar and brings a fresh bottle of Patron, salt and a lemon back to the table where Paris and I are sitting.  I grab a few shot glasses and Bob hands me the bottle.  I look at Paris and she nods in approval as I pour a generous shot for each of us.  Bob does the toast,

” We come to hunt Plenty in our borrowed g5
Here’s to Captain Trips getting us home alive.

We hunt us a Plenty across this great land
If I have a few more shots I won’t be able to stand.

With Paris in tow we will have better luck
Than a hunter in August trying to shoot him some duck.


With that Bob finishes his shot and almost immediately passes out and starts snoring.

To be continued… stop Illinois and my conversation with Paris about the presidential campaign


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