It’s a dark dreary autumn day here in New England. More leaves are on the ground than in the trees. Tonight will be a good night to gather the children around the fireplace and tell them stories that will have them pulling their covers tightly over their heads.
Stories of unexplained horror.
I know the horror.
The horror of lying in ones bed with the covers pulled up over your head because you heard a sound that wasn’t explainable. Maybe it was a stair creaking when you know no one is home.
You know, the horror that causes you to hold your breath because you think that if you hold your breath you can hear better. Duh, you quickly find out that when you hold your breath the sound of your heart beating in your ears drowns out everything else. BOO!
So here I was the other night in my restaurant. It’s about 10pm, everyone is gone and I am just finishing up smoking some chickens out back. You should see the size of the bong to smoke those roasters. HA!
Nothing worse than gratuitous paraphenalia jokes when we are just weeks away from a significant vote to decriminalize possession of weed here in massatwoshits.
Back to the horror…..
The only light on in the restaurant is the stairs to the basement. So I carry the well smoked chicken (delicious too) to the basement walk-in cooler. As I am coming up the stairs I hear the skeleton go off.
Let me backup a little. A few days before I had bought this motion-sensor skeleton. When someone walks in front of the skeleton/sensor it cracks a joke and then sticks it’s tongue out and goes BLAH. I know, juvenile. But it cracked me up.
Well it cracked me up until I was walking up from the basement at 10pm the other night and all of a sudden the skeleton starting cracking a joke and then goes BLAH!
I know everyone had gone and no one was supposed to be in the restaurant.
So here I am, Mr. Braveheart. I grab the biggest knife I can find and proceed to the front of the restaurant where I had hung the skeleton. As I am walking to the front, doing my best John Belushi (darting from equipment piece to equipment piece) I am trying to remember if I had locked the front door.
“I am an idiot,” I think to myself.
I have no idea what I was going to do with the knife, however, the person up front didn’t know what I was going to do either.
So I get up to the front of the restaurant and of course, no one is there.
With a sigh of relief I check the door and it’s locked.
I go to the back of the restaurant, lock the door and shut off the basement light and head back to the front of the restaurant to leave. As I head over to the door I remember that I should check the thermostat and make sure it’s set to 60 degrees.
I make my way through the darkened dining room and am just about at the thermostat when all of a sudden, 2 feet away from me, the damn skeleton goes off – cracking a joke and then going BLAH.
It scared the crap right outta me. It scared me to the point where I screamed right back at the damn skeleton. I know that if I could have, I would have jumped outta my skin. I AM AN IDIOT.
In the short span of 2 minutes I had totally forgotten about the damn skeleton and then unsuspectingly I walk right in front of it to get to the thermostat I set the damn thing off myself.
Boy am I stupid.