Monthly Archives: September 2008

Blue Cotton Candy

I think it’s safe.

I really can’t be sure if I was followed or not.

I don’t think so.

Man, what a crazy 4 daze I just spent inside the bowels of the large vowel.

I am just now coming down from the bender.  Try stuffing yourself with half eaten corn dogs, clam fritters, spaten octoberfest, homemade beef jerky, fried oreos and carmel corn for 4 days.  Never mind the pocketful of synaptic provocateurs.  Funny, the pocket is now empty.

Last thing I knew I had bought some blue cotton candy and arranged it on my head like a bad Divine wig and had commandeered the microphone from the guy selling some type of chamois thing.  I remember seeing Large Vowel security running to the chamois stand like army rangers running after bin laden.  I was saved at the last minute when a family and their friends, all dressed in green tie-dye shirts crowded around the chamois stand to see what I was selling.  Weird, they had their children on leashes.  Weird.

Like Jake and Elwood Blues I slipped behind the chamois display and darted for the door.  Good thing the farm-arama was next door.  I dove into what I thought was an empty pen.  Little did I realize that I had dove into a pen with three llamas.  

Special note – llama’s love blue cotton candy.

As soon as I hit the floor of their pen the llama’s were on me like Joe Biden on a well written speech.  It took the llama’s 5 seconds to clean the blue cotton candy off my head.  The good news is that as they were devouring the cotton candy the llama’s shielded me from the large vowel security team scampering by.

Phew, that was crazy.  I sat up to see what was up and watched as the security team ran out the door at the other end of the farm-arama.  It was then that I felt 3 pairs of eyes staring at me.

Yep, I had 3 sugar crazed llamas who wanted more…..they were looking at me like I had just cut them off and taken the best parking space in the lot.  Trust me, until you come face-to-face with a sugar crazed llama, you don’t know terror!

I looked them right in the eye and told them, in my best llama whisperer mind meld thingee,  I’d go get them more cotton candy. 

It was around midnight when I crept outta their pen and made my way for the door.  The Large Vowel, which hours before, was a madhouse punctuated by a cacophony of midway barkers, thrill rides and human stink was now a vast darkness.  The silence interrupted every few minutes some cleaning person riding by on a special Zamboni built to clean up human filth.

I made my way over to the cotton candy vendor and started up the cotton candy machine.  I found the box of cotton candy mix and followed the instructions. 

Actually, I followed them to a point.  I didn’t pay much attention to how much I was supposed to add to the machine.  Next thing I know is that blue cotton candy is flying everywhere.  When I say everywhere, I mean everywhere.

I gather a bunch into my arms and run back to the llama pen.  There, licking there lips with bright blue tongues stood the 3 sugar crazed llamas.  They saw me run in with the cotton candy and began to dance around. 

I threw the cotton candy into the pen and then started to run back to the cotton candy trailer.  When I got back to the cotton candy I was shocked to see that the entire trailer was filled and covered in blue cotton candy.

It was a scene outta an old sci-fi movie.  Remember when the blob covers the diner…..same thing.

As I stood there gawking at the growing mountain of cotton candy I felt a nudge at my shoulder.

I spun around, ready for action only to come face to face with my three sugar crazed llamas.

They stood there wide-eyed looking at the huge pile of cotton candy.  I think they were smiling.

Shit, I think I hear more security, I gotta run….I’ll write soon.

As I ran away I looked back over my shoulder and saw the three llamas scarfing down the mountain of blue cotton candy.  I swear they were dancing.


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