Monthly Archives: August 2008

The Large Vowel and the State of Confusion

Happy, happy, joy, joy.  What a string of beautiful days we’ve had out here in the happy valley of western massatwoshits.  This is always a juxtaposition kinda time for me.  In another week the valley will be inundated with college students as they begin the fall semester.  With them they bring a flush of culture, ideals and energy to the valley.  Never mind boobies.

So after a summer respit from the  madness the cycle begins all over again.  It is AWESOME.

Also, as the calendar turns from August to September it can mean only one thing.  Yep, the fair of fairs is about to descend on Western Massatwoshits to personally terrorize me.  The one and only “Large Vowel” exposition is only weeks away.

Already the underground is bursting with information on shit that’s happened over the past year.

Interesting to note, there are state buildings (modelled after each states capital buildings – i think) at the Large Vowel and my inside sources tell me that each of the state houses are on property that is actually deeded to that particular state – CT is on CT property, ME in on Maine property… get the point. 

And therefore –

Legal jurisdiction on each property is, well, governed by the respective state owning the property.  I have heard that local health departments and fire departments have historically been prevented from entering the various state buildings because – yep – they don’t have jurisdiction over them.  The best story I heard was that after being refused the opportunity to inspect the Maine building the local fire department went back to Maine and let them know they’ll need to dispatch fire engines from Maine to cover any issues that may occur in the Maine building on the grounds of the Large Vowel.  Hehehehehe.

Let’s say I was on a powdered sugar jag and I tried to hijack the lemon shaped lemonade stand and as I tried to make my get away someone tipped off the local constables and they began pursuit.  If I were to push the lemon shaped stand onto one of the state properties could the locals arrest me?  Would I have to be extridited back to massatwoshits to stand trial for trying to jack the lemonade stand?  Not something I am going to try, then again until you are on a powdered sugar jag you have no idea of what you’re capable. 

From a legal perspective I wonder if I could get assylum in the peoples republic of Vermont.


After the craziness that surrounded my Large Vowel experience last year I’ve decided to dedicate this blog, over the next 4 or 5 weeks to bringing you the underground noise from the Large Vowel.  From the cream puffs the size of large watermelons to the cigarette tinged rasp of carnies trying to get you to spend money on a game to win a stuffed animal.  I got it all right here! 

So put your seatbelts on kiddies it’s gonna be a ride you won’t forget for a life time.

I wrote the above line and as it flowed onto the screen all I could envision is some Stephen King created evil fucking ride attendant, laughing through his four yellow and black teeth, as he strapped people into the seats on the last ride they’d ever take.  And you thought you had issues – now you know why I don’t go on carnival rides.

Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends – come inside, come inside.



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Happy Birthday Jerry Garcia – Aug.1, 1942



If my words did glow with the gold of sunshine
And my tunes were played on the harp unstrung,
Would you hear my voice come thru the music,
Would you hold it near as it were your own?

Its a hand-me-down, the thoughts are broken,
Perhaps theyre better left unsung.
I dont know, dont really care
Let there be songs to fill the air.

Ripple in still water,
When there is no pebble tossed,
Nor wind to blow.

Reach out your hand if your cup be empty,
If your cup is full may it be again,
Let it be known there is a fountain,
That was not made by the hands of men.

There is a road, no simple highway,
Between the dawn and the dark of night,
And if you go no one may follow,
That path is for your steps alone.

Ripple in still water,
When there is no pebble tossed,
Nor wind to blow.

But if you fall you fall alone,
If you should stand then whos to guide you?
If I knew the way I would take you home.

La dee da da da, la da da da da, da da da, da da, da da da da da
La da da da, la da da, da da, la da da da, la da, da da.

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