It was at the end of a late night bend a couple of months ago when I thought I saw something that I didn’t want to see.
I saw what I thought was some type of lizard tail disappear underneath the stove in the kitchen.
I chalked it up to a good batch of synaptic provocateurs. Come on – we’ve all seen lizard tails retreating under the kitchen stove. No really, I swear it looked like a lizard tail.
Well last night it happened again. I didn’t see anything this time but I heard something and so did the cat.
Now understand the cat is this 500 year old Siamese thing that is pure evil. I call it hawk bait.
Well the cat is sitting next to me and hears the same thing I did and bolts off the couch and runs into the kitchen and is staring underneath the stove.
When I say bolt, this cat hasn’t moved this quick in 20 years. Like lightning it lept over the couch and sprinted into the kitchen and froze in front of the stove, waiting for another sound.
WHAT THE FUCK! I hate creepy things that hide in the house.
Now I gotta go home and figure out what is living underneath my stove.
What if it’s some kind of rare man-eating lizard or worse – a mouse. What happens if it’s some kind of weird mutant wild thing. Some alien like fucker that when I go to look under the stove is gonna take it’s razor like tail and plunge it into my eyeball. Some alien thing with orange eyes and a fanged lip less snarl.
Damn, I hate things that go bump in the night.
I remember trying to get the bat outta the house. I did a great job – got it caught in a pillow case. I took the pillow case out side and let the damn thing go. The only problem was that I never saw it fly away and when I went back in the house I looked down and saw that the bastard was attached to my jeans.
I gotta figure out how I am gonna catch what ever is under my stove. I gotta get a plan together.
Damn, I own no guns. Maybe I should get a gun. Nah, I don’t want to kill it. Unless of course it’s some kinda weird alien lizard creature.
Fuck, how do I catch an alien lizard creature. I looked it up on the Internet and there was no agreement on how to catch a weird alien lizard creature.
I gotta get one of those traps that don’t kill the thing it traps. Sort of like a marriage. hahahaha, just kidding.
I gotta go, if i never write again you’ll know it was an evil alien fucker and it plucked my eyeball out and then fired the brain sucker into the empty eye socket and sucked my brain out.