Night of the Dead Satellite

I went out tonight to see if I could view the infamous satellite US 193.  Yep, did the research, found the orbit, the time, the degrees above the horizon.  Found Polaris as a celestial reference point.  Then I stood and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Well, needless to say the only thing I accomplished was to freeze the fucking tips off my fingers.  Damn.  No satellite, nothing.

The good news is that I get to soothe the pain of my frost bit fingers, then again after a number of Margarita’s I really can’t feel the tips of my fingers anymore.  Hey, wait a minute, I think my frost bit finger tip fell into my Margarita.  Well at least it will help keep my drink cold.  Oops not my finger, looks like a piece of the chocolate chip cookie I was eating.   What, you don’t dip your chocolate chip cookies into your Margarita?  You don’t know what your missing!  Where the fuck was I?

Oh yea, I get to soothe the frost bite pain by viewing  the total eclipse of the moon (last one for 3 years).  That’s if we don’t shoot down the moon instead of the mysterious satellite US 193.

US 193 ain’t that the damn morning after pill? 

Oh, no, that was RU-486….sounds like some damn German uboat from world war two.

I can hear it now.

Submarine dude (Sd):  Captain, I have the UBoat in range.

Captain:  excellent job seaman.  Raise my periscope.

Sd:  Aye, captain – periscope up.

Captain:  Excellent seaman, load tubes one and two and open the outer doors.

Sd:  Tubes loaded and ready to fire sir.

Captain:  Thank you seaman, we need to wait until she turns our way and then we can fire our load.  Her id looks like it’s RU-486

Sd:  Aye captain, awaiting the word to fire.  

Captain:  Ready, aim, fire.

Sd.  Damn captain, we were premature and missed…

Oh I could go on and oh.  He, he, he, he, he.

Hey, bro – where’s my Margarita?  Damn, got the straw stuck on my lip.  He, he, he

Okay, back to da moon.

I got my telescope and am going outside to look at the moon.  Usually it’s the hot neighbor (just kidding, maybe) but tonight it will be a different moon – a little whiter and brighter.

So what’s the deal with this satellite?  Why are we really shooting it down?

1.  Because it has a nuclear power supply

2.  Maybe nuclear powered control rockets

3.  We’re simply flexing our anti-ballistic testosterone to the world

4.  We don’t want any of the satellite falling into the evil doers hands.

I know this much – we ain’t shooting it down because it contains 1,000 pounds of hydrazine.

In 1997 the space shuttle Columbia was destroyed during re-entry one item from the space shuttle that remained intact was the hydrazine tank that was found in Texass, intact but breached – albeit empty since it was pretty much all used up during the mission.

The tank on US 193 if breached when it landed would disperse hydrazine over an area roughly the size of two football fields.  This is highly unlikely.

You see, hydrazine is in a frozen slush form due to the temperatures of space and it’s tank is not designed to withstand heat.  My two cents is that upon re-entry the friction of re-entry will heat the tank to somewhere north of 7,000 degrees centigrade (fyi the mean surface temp of the sun is  6,000 centigrade).  Basic principle of physics is that gas expands upon heating….Me thinks the hydrazine tank has no chance of surviving the re-entry phase and will explode.  So that gets me to thinking is it

#1, #2, #3 or #4.  You my friends make the call.

Here’s what I think.

I think I win the $270 Million lottery on Friday and on Saturday as I am walking out with my $90 Million lump sum check the fucking US 193 satellite is gonna come out of the sky and smoot me like a bug in front of the fucking lottery headquarters.

What a fucking story that would be… read it here first folks.  

Cheers, time to go watch the moon go bye-bye. 


1 Comment

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One response to “Night of the Dead Satellite

  1. Hey…just thought of a nifty title to your odd-demise story:


    Moreover I’ll be happy to write it up, in your absence — for the standard ($90-mil) Fee.

    ps need alien turdz??

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