Damn, I am struggling.
I have moments of when I am crying like a sissy and then hysterical laughter. Damn, I hate this.
My smile causes the tears stained streaks on my face to crack and itch.
I am remembering the day my 100 pound Old English Sheepdog named Lowell first showed me that he loved to chase and catch a Frisbee.
Understand, Sheepdogs are not known for their grace and agility so the throw had to be perfect.
The throw had to take the Frisbee out in an arch and it had to angle back towards where Lowell was running and had to hang in the air just perfectly as he accelerated (I use that term loosely) under the Frisbee so he could leap and catch it. Okay, a 3 inch vertical jump ain’t a leap, but to Lowell it was a leap.
With his long hair hanging down you could barely see the damn Frisbee in his mouth as his ran back to me to have me repeat the process.
Over and over I would throw the Frisbee and over and over he’d catch it and bring it back. Usually, I was the one who would give up and retreat to the house with Frisbee shoulder.
Lowell would carry the damn Frisbee into the house, drop it on the floor and proceed to the water bowl to tame the thirst he had built up.
We had our last Frisbee throw months ago. Arthritis and age limited Lowell’s physical adventures over the past months but that didn’t diminsh the spirit that was Lowell.
Last night, Lowell past away and I am sad from a selfish perspective cuz it means I will never throw him a Frisbee again and I will miss that. Lowell’s passing is a good thing because Lowell’s physical ability had broken down to the point where Lowell the spirit was being negatively impacted by his physicall issues.
Lowell is the most pozitoodinally, independent spirit I have ever known. Lowell embodied the saying, “I do what I want.”
Lowell was physically and spiritually a gentle giant. Never in his 12 years did he ever bite anyone or anything. If he was guilty of anything it would be over-loving. When folks slept over the house for the first time I’d make sure I would get up early and let Lowell into their bedroom. He’s walk right over and give them a big lick across the face.
What an alarm clock…..nasty, wet, sheep dog drool. Ha!
I will miss his physical companionship. He was always by my side and for a long time always in my bed. For some reason he loved to sleep at the foot of the bed laying across my ankles…Weird dog.
His greeting was simple – a wet nose and mouth into your crotch. His family tree shows he comes from a long line of crotch nosers. He also loved to ride in the car. He would sit in the back seat, right behind me (the driver) and ride shotgun with his head out the window, catching every scent on every breeze that went by the car.
Good bye old friend, I will miss seeing you bound after that Frisbee. I won’t miss picking up the horse sized presents you’d leave in the house when I didn’t come home on time.
When I close my eyes my smile grows large as I think about the adventures we shared and I know it’s okay. You may not be here physically, but you will always be here in spirit.
I just remembered a trip we took to Grout Pond in VT. It was early spring and we hiked around the pond. There were a number of bridges over recently thawed streams that if one stayed on you’d remain relatively dry. Well we all went over the board bridges with no issue. Not Lowell. In his, “I do what I want” way he simply walked right through the stream. Bridges be damned. He’d come out soaking wet with a HUGE smile on his face.
Good bye old friend you’ll always be here. Thanks.