Dialing with Dollars – Telemarketing the Presidency

I answered the phone the other day and it was Mitt Romney.  Cool, so I said hello.  He didn’t respond.  Mitt, can you tell me why I should vote for you?

Damn it, no response.  Maybe it was a bad cell phone connection.

Mitt, you there?  Nothing.

Then I started, the recording.  Hi, I am Mitt Romney and I need you to come out…..blah, blah, blah, blah.  Shit he might as well have been pedalling vinyl siding….bastard.   

It’s gotten worse, when I came home last night I had 13 messages on my answering machine.   All of them from either Mitt, his wife, one of his campaign flunky’s, even his fucking dog left a message I think.

Years ago I signed up for that no call list.  Sort of like the no-fly over list but without airplanes.  No solicitors calling me at all hours.  Ah, peace at last.  That is until 3 days ago.  Super Tuesday changed all that.  Funny thing is, super Tuesday coincided with Fat Tuesday so that meant a day of booze, beads and boobies.

Super Fat Tuesday for me!

About 4 o’clock I remembered I had to vote.  Oops.  Damn, I gotta get my shit together…..I wonder if anyone has ever been arrested for voting while impaired?

I guess not or there would have been half of American voters in jail after the last presidential election….how else could have dubbya been elected….everyone who voted for him must have been impaired.

So I gathered up myself and got me over to the town office and promptly get checked off or in or whatever and went into the booth to vote.

That’s when I remembered Mitt and said to myself, fuck Mitt it’s Super Fat Tuesday and that means today I’m gonna vote for McCain just cuz he didn’t bug me.

No calls from McCain, I like that.  Then again, he probably can’t afford a cell phone so no wonder he ain’t calling me.

Anyway, I got me to thinking as I stood there drinking a cup of coffee, watching folks come in to the place to vote.  I got to thinking about the two party system and said to myself, self – “in the long run the two party system ain’t a terrible thing.  It sort of protects us from ourselves cuz in the long run we ain’t too smart when it comes to evaluating leadership.  That’s probably why it’s better to have 15 choices of peanut butter and 2 choices for president come November.”

Hmmmm, chunky or smooth….skippy or Jif….Not the candidates you tool, the peanut butter.  For whatever it’s worth, I am a smooth Jif guy when it comes to peanut butter and a firm supporter of the dude with the ability to turn a $5k bar tab into a campaign expense.  Go O!

Time to get another sip of Bourbon…..the nectar of the gods…..



1 Comment

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One response to “Dialing with Dollars – Telemarketing the Presidency

  1. Well now, dude, you may just be an original. I just Googled “synaptic provocateur” and your blog was the first two entries to come up! Nice work! Time to make a bumper sticker–and make sure you copyright it…

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