$5K bar tabs and you don’t say you love me….

The Gore Effect has been evident this week in New England with the daily temperatures skyrocketing to new record highs (67 in Boston) while the stock markets continue to reel from the deal-book greed and petroleum gluttony. 

It’s a great time to be alive.

Jetting about New England this week in maybe the worst rental car I’ve ever been in (Chevy Impala) no wonder Toyota is closing in quickly.  The best thing GM has going for them is the fact that many Toyota’s are now made in the USA (Tundra) so we’ll see a decline in quality causing Toyota to feel the same wrath that has negatively impacted GM and Ford…Just for giggles type “Toyota Tundra Issues” into a search engine….have fun….

Enough of that crap….

Depressing the accelerator to the floor in the rental car named for a medium sized African antelope I increase my speed to warp 17.3 and zip across Nude Hampster’s route 101.  The blur of brown and gray snow banks dying from the Gore global warming is depressing and then I notice color.  Yep, there in the din of gray and brown are bits of blue and red.  “Hmmmm, what the heck is that,” I think to myself.

Stepping off the accelerator I slow down to warp 3.2 hoping to focus on the dying banks of snow on the side of the road and figure out what is the source of the color.  Then, with no warning I am struck with a feeling of sadness for Nude hampster.  There lying on either side of the road, like used condoms, were miles and miles of campaign signs for every damn candidate that was entered in the primary. 

They came, they used Nude hampster and now they’re gone.  They had their fun, they spent their money and for a few minutes they even said nice things to Nude Hampster.  Poor, delusional Nude Hampster.  Like they really matter.

They’re all gone.  Like a one night stand.  Off to bigger conquests.  Who says size doesn’t matter!  It’s always about the conquests with these people……more delegates, new stories, more waffling, lots of chanting and a ton of drinking.  I’d love to see the candidates entertainment budgets….I am sooooo jealous. 

The only thing Nude Hampster has to show for a night of national attention are four figure bar bills  and piles of campaign signs littering the sides of the roads.

Who the fuck picks up the damn things?  I wonder how much that costs?  Think any of them were made from recycled paper?  I gotta get outta here….

The four figure bar tab is real – I was at a local establishment last night that was inundated with Obama folks and per the bartender they had a $5k budget for the night.  God Fucking Bless America!!!  FYI – The Obama folks are habitual chanters….ughhh.

Here’s the deal – anyone that can pass off a $5k bar tab as a campaign expense gets my vote!

Pressing the accelerator back down, the medium sized African antelope began to lope ahead towards warp factor 17.3 and soon the dying snowbanks return to a blur of grey, brown, blue and red.  Ah, peace. 

At warp 17.3 my conscious thought becomes occupied with navigating the piece of crap, Zulu named, tin box down the road.  This leaves my subconscious free to explore those little used recesses of my brain – always a dangerous thing.   It was then that I had an Epiphany…..

Political Pollsters and Meteorologists are the same people.  Neither knows what the fuck is really going to happen and are not held accountable when they get everything wrong.  I need to get me one of those jobs….

Hey Barack, can you buy me a round?



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