Lights, Cameras, Nothing

Ah, it’s that time of year.  You know, time to decorate your house for the holidaze.  I am not sure what i am going to do this year.  Last year, I did nothing.  The year before that I did nothing.  Actually the last 10 years I’ve done nothing. 

Not this year.  This year I am gonna do something.  What that something is, I am not to sure.  Maybe I’ll do nothing.  Is doing nothing actually something?  If so is there a job I can get where I can get paid to do nothing?

Like Dubbya, shit we’d pay him to do nothing….. 

I got three plastic penguins that I can light up.  That would be cool.  Maybe do a little manger scene with baby jeebus and the three wise penguins.  I need to find a lite-up llama.  Gotta have a llama.  Lights too.  Lots and lots of lights.

I need enough lights so that the fucking C-5A’s that fly overhead, laden with their WDD ( Weapons of Dubbya Destruction) confuse my yard with the Westover runways (4 miles from the house).   Yep get a damn C-fucking 5A log jam right in my front yard!

I need enough lights so they can see my house from the damn space station.  Yep, screw that trying to see the damn space station thing wiz by overhead in the middle of the night.  I want a live feed from the space station showing my house lit up on the surface of the earth like a damn volcanic eruption!   

I need enough lights so the damn electric company has to put another turbine on line.

I need enough lights so people will get a tan when they come view my house.

I need enough lights so Dubbya will send Dickweed over with his shot gun to spear head an investigation to see if I have any of dem iranium uranium enrichment centrifugie’s in my basement powering the whole damn thing. 

I may just do nothing.  Then again, maybe I won’t do nothing.  Hehehehe

Actually I do have this vision.  I need to go get me a big plastic baby doll.  Not a blow up doll you monkey asses, a plastic baby doll (they last longer – I am kidding put the phone down).  I have this vision of suspending it high up in a tree and rigging a bunch of those strings of sparkling lights so they look like they’re coming out it’s ass. 

Close your eyes, can’t you see it….it’s sort of  a baby jeebus comet or meteor.

The cool thing would be to have it flying over the three wise penguins and their pet llama.  Of course I’d have to light all of those up.

Hmmm, anyone know where I can get a plastic llama?

Give me a week, it will be done.  As Yul Brynner said in his wonderful role as Pharaoh Rameses’s II (I wonder if they named the condoms after him), “So let it be written, so let it be done.”

Speaking of done – how hot was Anne Baxter as his wife Nefretiri.  Seriously she is smoking hot in the ten commandments.  Is that wrong?  Whatever 

How the hell did I get there?  One last ten commandment question – get it right and I’ll by you a big ass beer and we can talk about the movie.

What actress in the movie went on to be best known for her role as a mom in a cult tv series that ran from 1964 – 1966.  A hint – in the series she played opposite Fred Gywnne.




Filed under Uncategorized

3 responses to “Lights, Cameras, Nothing

  1. betty

    Adams Family make it wine

  2. The Fenz

    Dude, you so owe me a HUGE BEER! That would be Yvonne De Carlo, a.k.a, Lily Munster, who sadly passed away on Jan 8 of this year. We should paint our faces white, our lips bright red, and drink copious draughts of blood-colored beer!

  3. The Fenz

    On the lights issue, you should grab every string of lights you ever had, plug ’em together and make a giant snowball out of ’em! That’s the next best thing to doing nothing…..

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s