It’s that time of year – yep the time for giving. After thinking long and hard I’ve come up with the perfect gift. It’s a gift that you can create. Yep, you can do it yourself. All you have to do is believe.
My gift to all of you is a virtual pozitoodinal blanket (VPB). Huh, what the fuck is a virtual pozitoodinal blanket? Let me explain.
When I was growing up whenever I was in bed and I got scared I’d grab my blanket and pull it up over my head. I knew that whatever evil lurked in my room it couldn’t hurt me because I had my blanket covering me. My blanket was my protector. My blanket kept me safe, my blanket will always keep me safe.
Shit, you can keep Superman’s Cape, keep Captain America’s shield, keep the Green lantern’s power ring, heck keep Wonder Woman’s power bracelets. Wonder Woman did have some nice boobies, however. From a protection perspective, these superhero thingees don’t hold a candle to the power of my blanket to protect me.
So to everyone out there I offer my secret recipe to creating your own virtual pozitoodinal blanket (VPB). Guaranteed to keep away everything scary and nasty. Guaranteed to keep negativity at bay. Guaranteed to bring you peace when the voices are screaming at the top of their lungs and only you can hear them.
The VPB is something you have to own – cuz it’s yours and yours alone.
Only you can create your VPB – or you can send me $1,000 in small bills and I’ll make one for you and virtually mail it to you! Just kidding, today – for you only – $500. That’s a savings of $500!!! Order quick operators are standing by. Actually they’re sitting and there ain’t that many of them. Where the fuck was I.
Oh yeah, making your own VPB –
You have to weave it with a blend of emotional warmth, love and compassion that exists in each of you. It will be held together by the strongest of pozitoodinal energies. It will be radiant in color. So radiant it will have no color. Not sure what the fuck that means but I thought it sounded good.
The VPB is capable of bringing you peace and comfort when you need it most. It will only be here today, in the present. It’s radiance will empower and be empowered by those pozitoodinal voices that exist in each of us. Some stronger than others, however, they’re all there. You need to find those pozitoodinal voices and use them as your threads to make your VPB strong.
You may not think that you have the power to do it. I know that you do, all you have to do is give yourself a chance. Heck waddya have to lose an hour or two? Big fucking deal.
You just have to make the time to do so. Make the time, find that comfortable spot where you can sit and breathe a little. Breathe a little more. Smile a little, can’t smile, think about something stupid you’ve recently done. I always find that laughing at oneself is so easy and so healthy. Come on another deep breathe. Get to that place with the smile and a little love. Before you know it you’ll have a VPB so big and so strong that you’ll feel like you can cover the world with it.
Know what – maybe if each of us creates our VPB, maybe, just maybe we can cover the world with it.
OK, Ok, I know….I have this overwhelming urge to hold hands and sing that stupid coke commercial song about teaching the world to sing…..yuck…I gotta go wash my hands……where the hell did I put my damn VPB…..I need it now….
Ho, ho, ho,