It’s one of dem Beeeuuuuteeeeful days in the Happy Valley. Got a great nights sleep last night and am ready to take on all the day can give.
How ’bout you? Feeling good, feeling great? Ready to share that pozitoodinal love with everyone and anyone?
Hehehehehe, not that kinda wood silly.
I got wood. Got three cords of wood yesterday. Damn, forgot how much wood is in three cords of wood…..lots….. I had gotten soft over the past couple years and relied strictly on the dial-a-cord method of home heating.
Dial-a-cord is when you walk over to the thermostat and turn up the heat so the furnace engages and begins burning all that home heating oil you have stored in the 250 gallon tank in your basement. Soooooo easy, never hurt my back or got a splinter with the old dial-a-cord method.
Well thanks to my bro I now have a HUGE pile of wood in my driveway.
You know what I hate, unlike Pam Anderson, fire wood doesn’t come stacked.
Now that would be a cool invention….you know like those damn Christmas tree wrapper machines….no not 50 cent….he ain’t no christmas tree wrapper machine…..
I mean one of dem red things they slide the tree through and that same plastic netting shit they use to trap dolphins encases the tree so that it makes it nice and easy to bring it home.
The invention of inventions would be a machine that you dump firewood into and it packages the wood into neat 3 x 4 foot bundles and wraps it in some “enviro-friendly” shrink wrap. They show up at your home, drop off a couple of bundles and you’re good to go. That would be cool.
OK, so on top of everything else I am lazy. I have yet to find the zen aspects of wood stacking that I’ve read about.
Shit, there are websites upon websites on the art of wood stacking. Fuck that shit. Ain’t no art for me. Back breaking, splinter causing bullshit is what I call it.
I am sick of reading those cute quotes about how firewood warms 3 times. Once when you cut it, once when you stack it and once when you burn it. Fuck off.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not angry at the wood or the need to stack the wood. I am simply lazy.
So we stacked a faced cord of wood late yesterday (had to finish quickly cuz some really good beer was calling my name). What the fuck is a face cord? Well its the same as a rick? Who? Face cord = rick. There are 3 face cord in a cord of wood. I found out that a face cord is a 4 foot high x 8 foot long x 16inch wide pile of wood. A cord is 4’x4’x8′ = 128 cubic feet of wood. Therefore 3 cord of wood equals a shit load.
When we got done and I looked at the pile I realized that maybe we got a little more than three cord. SHIT!
Does anyone know where I can find any wood stacking ho’s? Do you think they’d do that?
Maybe I’ll have a “fall party.” Lure a bunch of people to the house under the guise of a fall party with free beer and food and make them stack wood. Then again, that’s not original…..J&D do that all the time…..but it works….remember my rock story…..
Nope, I am gonna stack all of it. I just got done reading a Mother Earth News article from 1994 about the Science of Stacking Firewood – I shit you not. The only thing I took from the article was the line, “A heap of fresh cordwood begging to be sawed, split, and stacked beats Valium any day.
How true. It is amazing the psychological impact physical excercise has on ones spirit. I have written about it and everyday I suggest excercise as an outlet for stress to someone. If you are like me and you tend to internalize negativity and stress you need some outlet to get that negative energy out of your system. No better outlet than physical activity. It’s similar to how a good massage causes the release of toxins from the cells in your body. Ever have a really great massage and feel terrible 4 or 5 hours later? My bet is that you didn’t hydrate after the massage. Hydration dilutes the toxins and helps your body pass them. Same for physical activity….get dem endorphins cranking….Yee Haaa.
The other psychological benefit of stacking wood is the true sense of accomplishment (I am not there yet after stacking only 1/2 a cord) one feels. Often we run into days in which we feel like we get nothing done. The reality is that you probably got a lot done, but since there was not a tangible/concrete result to your task you feel unfulfilled. When stacking wood the results of your efforts are easy to see.
Sweet Jebus, you think with all this talk about the benefits of stacking wood I’d be outside doing it right now.
Not today, it’s too nice a day and plus, I am lazy or maybe it’s the valium…hehehehehehe
I will live to stack another day….at least I hope so. Heck if tomorrow I don’t wake up then I won’t give a fuck about stacking wood. Hmmm, works either way.