Warning: Don’t dive into the shallow end of the gene pool

Oh my.  Somehow I have managed to surround myself with kitchen help that seem to have slithered out of the shallow end of the human gene pool.  Even a dog or rat is trainable.  Do you know that there are 5,416 (and counting) species of mammals on this planet.  How the fuck did I end up with this pack of feral numbskulls who have to be told what to do on a minute to minute basis.  Talk about stupid.

Here’s an example –

How ’bout this math problem – it took a calculator and a good hour to convince one of my drivers that I was accurate.

 Driver A is making $6 per hour.  He works 20 hours in a week.  That week he gets a raise to $7 per hour.  How many extra dollars should Driver A get in his paycheck because of his raise?  His answer 34.   My answer 20.  You do the math…. 

I am having one of those small business weeks in which I want to fire everyone that works for me and start fresh.  It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even know where to start or why I continue to push forward with an enterprise that has cost me far more than I will ever make.  Today is one of those days where it would be so easy to simply say fuck it and walk away and deal with the financial ramifications down the road.  Ughhhh

I don’t act on those feelings for a couple reasons:  a.  I am not a quitter and I won’t let the fuckers win, b.  the pozitoodinal force is strong within me so I have the ability to bottle all this up and dump it down the negative energy shitter.

Cool I used shitter and quitter in the same paragraph.

For some reason I have accumulated, for the most part, a team of ignorant, self-righteous, dick wads who think it’s their right to get paid for doing everything half assed.  I’d be less pissed off if they did it whole assed!

The best thing is they all think I am stupid.  I may be many things, however, I am not stupid.  Do I give people to many chances – yes.  Do I have the ultimate faith that people want to do the right thing – yes.  Are these fuckers gonna break my spirit to not believe in people – a resounding NO!

Deep breath maybe I’ll go get a donut.  

As Homer would say, “I detest a man, who hides one thing in the depths of his heart, and speaks forth another.”   Gotcha – that’s from the original Homer….

The Homer we know and love today would say. “Donuts.  Is there anything they can’t do.”

Again, deep breathe…..

Hmmmm, I wonder if a glazed donut can toss a party sized pizza….hmmmmm

I know, I know, it’s up to me to hire and train the people to perform up to my expectations.  Unfortunately, like many things in my life I get lazy and simply settle.  Have you looked at the employment pool associated with small restaurants…….hahahahaha!

The worst thing about today is that it is payday. That means I have to go do payroll…..always my favorite thing to do….pay these knuckle-dragging mental midgets.  No offense meant to short people, just people short on brains.

I offer the following quote from Einstein.

“Two things are infinite:  the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.”

nuff said



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3 responses to “Warning: Don’t dive into the shallow end of the gene pool

  1. Nothing like a good book about the restaurant business to augment the restaurateur’s profit margin. Might help with the employees, too — shit if you were a famous writer, or famous anything the types you describe would do twice the work for free just to say they work with some famous dude.

    So: how’s the book coming? Let me know if I can help in any way…

  2. betty

    Donuts????Those words were put in your head by your staff. Thinking it would be the end of you. They are weapons of war. Get a sign with a bullseye and bang your head or theirs on it periodically. Isn’t there a Tech school that would like you to train the students?

  3. efenz

    Dude, your expectations are WAY too high!

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