Gravity Sucks but the Muffin Man Saves

 Today seems like a day that requires a little Frank to brighten up this cool, drizzily day here in New England.  Being a muffin man myself I thought, “hmmmm, myself, I think we should share the muffin man lyrics with our readers today.”

So striding with force through the house I came upon my Frank collection and began pawing through the remnants of some very old albums.  For those of you who don’t know before cd’s there was this invention called an album…..made of vinyl, a single groove cut into it…..look it up on google….

It was about this time that I realized that the dogs were outside and that the gecho(s), tree frog and skink needed to be fed.  So much to do so little time.

Grabbing a handful of very small crickets I flung them into the respective tanks for the critters to munch on.  Those cricket things give me the willies….yuck….

Oops the dogs.


Stupid fucking deck…..

So there I went to get the dogs.  I hit the top step of my deck and realized as both feet flew out from under me, that the moss green color of the step mixed with the first rain in a month had created a surface that was more slippery than Dick Cheney’s corporate relationships.

Shit, fuck, damn it.  Bracing my fat ass with my hands and wrists I proceeded to slam down on the top step.

I hate gravity.  Gravity sucks.  Fuck you gravity.   Hey Newton, fuck you too you apple picking good for nothing jerk off.  What good is gravity anyway?   You know I think we’d be better off without gravity.  Without gravity you’d never fall down drunk again.  Oops, drop that $5M antiquity….guess what, no gravity, it don’t break. 

I guess no gravity would work for everyone except the bra manufacturers….sweater meat….boobies…hehehehe…..

In space, boobies don’t sag……hehehehe 

I digress….sorry 

Fucking gravity…. 

Where was eye or was it simply eye wear.  Oh yea, Frank and the further adventures of the muffin man….without further ado…..Have a great day and remember, don’t take yourself to serious, I don’t……….the muffin man… muffin to you

The muffin man is seated at the table in the laboratory of the utility muffin
Research kitchen… reaching for an oversized chrome spoon he gathers an
Intimate quantity of dried muffin remnants and brushing his scapular aside
Procceds to dump these inside of his shirt…
He turns to us and speaks:

Some people like cupcakes better. I for one care less for them!

Arrogantly twisting the sterile canvas snoot of a fully charged icing
Anointment utensil he poots forths a quarter-ounce green rosette (oh ah yuk
Yuk… lets try that again…!) he poots forth a quarter-ounce green rosette
Near the summit of a dense but radiant muffin of his own design.
Later he says:

Some people… some people like cupcakes exclusively, while myself, I say
There is naught nor ought there be nothing so exalted on the face of gods grey
Earth as that prince of foods… the muffin!

Girl you thought he was a man
But he was a muffin
He hung around till you found
That he didnt know nuthin

Girl you thought he was a man
But he only was a-puffin
No cries is heard in the night
As a result of him stuffin



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2 responses to “Gravity Sucks but the Muffin Man Saves

  1. betty

    thought you said you hit your butt….sounds more like your head is in your…… go muffin man!

  2. efenz

    Hey, I just fed my first skinks this week — with crickets! NOW I know the difference between boys and girls and I’m DEFINITELY a girl! Girls don’t feed live things to other live things!

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