Monthly Archives: September 2007

nightfall at the big e

well it got crazy the rest of the day….i had to lay low, very low….it’s dark now and the  fat taser bastards are occupied by the throng of crazies buying every miracle knife or auto waxing kit known to man…these people will buy anything….

i’ve had an opportunity to roam the grounds pretty stress free….still can’t get out, they got guards at every gate with my picture….bastards…..i think tonight when everyone leaves i am going to take me a hot tub in one of the hot tubs on display…

i think i am also going to set the giant pig free…..poor bastard….locked up in a little cage….over 1,000 pounds of bacon sittin there…..maybe the minature horse too….but who will notice…..

gotta get to the elephant and camel…..they’ve been forced to give hundreds of screaming kids rides for two weeks….they long to be in the jungles of west springfield grazing on the bountiful flora and bathing in the pristine waters of the connecticut river….then again, i think the camel has a bad attitude….

my battery is low….i need to recharge will write in the morning

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Amuck with Captain James Cook and Fried Oreo’s

i finally got out of the giant lemon and made my way to a stand where i could get something to eat….i know it ain’t good for me, however, i just made up a batch of fried oreo’s….man they are good….especially when washed down with some spaten octoberfest….yummy….

if you’ve never had a fried oreo, you ain’t lived…..

i am laying low right now as the fat bastard, taser armed, security force is doing their best to round up the big e execs and get them into one area so they can control the trippin’ fools…..it looks like they are using the horse arena as the holding area….i am going to sneak in and see what is going on…

oops almost forgot my oreos….

hahahahahaha…..christ on  a crutch….the fools are so fucked up they are jumping over the jumps set up for the horses and rolling around in the water hazard….oh man, they must have had both coffee and orange juice…..oops

there’s one over there petting a horse blanket that’s draped over a fence….i think they think it’s a real horse….hahahahaha

oh, oh….here come the taser boys…i am outta here….

too close for comfort there….i managed sneak away and am now hiding in a corn dog booth…..

what the fuck is a corn dog anyway…i know, i know…..it’s a hotdog coated in a cornbread batter and deep fried and served on a stick…..did you know that march 17 is national corn dog day…bastards….taking advantage of all of us drunk irish people on st. patty’s day…..

i lost my corndog virginity last year….not something i am very proud of….

i gotta get a plan together so that i can get outta here…..they now know that i escaped the giant slide prison they had me in …..the good news is that they have their hands full gathering up all the big e employers who are still running amuck.

How do you run amuck…..a funny passage from Captain James Cook , “Voyages” – 1772 – his definition of running amuck

“To run amock is to get drunk with opium… to sally forth from the house, kill the person or persons supposed to have injured the Amock, and any other person that attempts to impede his passage.”

sounds good to me….

time to rest…will be back in a while……

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shhhhhhhh….there be fat bastards about

mayhem….i love it…..

 the big e bastards are freakin’ out…..just saw a whole bunch of the execs get into the whirly-go ride….it spins around wicked fast and the g-force pushes you up against the outer wall….they are all screaming and laughing….the only problem is that the ride isn’t even on….it ain’t moving….hehehehehehe 

watch out – crazy bastard….dude’s got a street sweeper and he’s chasing some idiot on a camel….cool….no not cool….camel…

this place is outta control….i just gotta find where an open gate is….

the gestapo called security is trying to reign everyone in….just saw a secretary get tasered and she wasn’t even asking john kerry any questions…shit i think one of the fat bastards saw me….gotta run….

cool, dove behind one of those midway thingees….this is the one where you bounce the whiffle ball off the board into the laundry basket….cool thing is you win one of those mini electric motorcycles….there is like 15 of them hanging up…they could be my ticket to freedom….good thing i did all that dirt bike riding…..shhh here come the fat bastards….shhhhh

phew that was close…..i am now typing from inside a giant lemon….yes you read correctly a giant lemon….i guess it’s some kind of stand where you can get lemonade….sort of makes sense…..giant lemon….lemonade….hmmm too bad there isn’t a giant clam where i can get clam fritters….

ok gonna lay low in the giant lemon for a while….it’s almost lunch and the fat bastard taser fuckers gotta eat….plus i think they have their hands full with the 100 big e employees who are trippin outta their skulls…..

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big e vs. lsd

shhhhhh, quiet……it’s 4:40am and i am in the enemies headquarters

it’s day 45,965 of the big e taking me hostage……during the night i was able to free myself from the restraints they placed on me and i was able to sneek into their kitchen and dosed their coffee maker and orange juice with some high powered lysergic acid diethylamide.  it should make for an interesting morning….hehehehehehe….

LSD-2D, 3D.png

ok….i am back….it’s just past 8am….good morning from the big e……sweet jebus….it’s insane here…..looks like the magic juice i concocted is finally starting to hit home….the leader of the big e just ran by wearing one of them wacky mardi gras giant heads and just his underwear.  He was chasing someone wearing only a cape and driving one of dem shriner mini cars….this is fucking great….

oh, oh…..some on just let the elephant out…..no seriously, it’s a fucking elephant…..

hahahahaha someone is painting words on side of the vermont state building …..”HAVE A NICE TRIP, SEE YOU NEXT FALL.”  How fucking funny is that….and they painted the letters in a rainbow of colors…..weird…..

holy crap, i gotta get outta here there’s about 20 of my captors laying in the middle of the parking lot, pointing up at the clouds and laughing their collective asses off…..shit gotta go….will report back later…….

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The fine line…..

When you live in the shadow of insanity, the appearance of another mind that thinks and talks as yours does is something close to a blessed event.

Another great quote from Robert Pirzig.

Welcome to my world.  When you dance in the shadows as I try to do as often as possible you relish the opportunity to talk with folks who are equally at ease in the shadows.  It surprises me how many people don’t like the shadows and when they find themselves in the shadows they scamper away.  Then again, maybe it’s me they’re scampering away from.  I love the word scamper.  Ewww, lookie, he’s scampered off….fraid of his own shadow….ewwwww…scamper, scamper, scamper

Insanity is a crazy concept…..

It’s a concept the drug companies love because of the revenue and profits it puts in their collective pockets.

I guess shock therapy via chemicals is better than the actual shock therapy.  Then again maybe not. I don’t believe frontal lobotomy’s increased the top line at black and decker as it relates to electric drill sales…then again….

Today we have a supply of chemical comas, chemical straightjackets and chemical lobotomy’s all doled out by your local CVS or Walgreens.  Love it!

Nothing better than self medication….

I’ve realized that short of alien turdz (thanks Mike eeeeee http://greenlighton.wordpress.com/ ), bone-dry stoli martini’s with exta olives and the very rare afghanny black poo…. most drugs impair my ability to create, never mind fuck up my ability to drive farm equipment.

One day I want to get all fucked up and drive a combine….just to say I actually could drive farm equipment while fucked up.

Speaking of fucked up….you ever take one of them tylenol pm thingees.  HOLY COMATOSE or is it coma-toes.

I made the mistake a month or so ago of thinking I was taking two aspirin thingees during the day and took two of dem pm thingees.  WOW.  Talk about an inability to operate farm equipment man oh man I felt like someone replaced my brain with cotton balls at the same time took all the bones outta my body….. 

Where the fuck was i……shadow of insanity….that fine line….I know on a daily basis i skip back and forth across the line like some 3rd grade school girl jumping rope….sometimes its hard to get back, sometimes i don’t want to come back…..but i always do….weird….

i’ll let you in on a secret, pozitood is the door i use to return back from the shadows….pozitood makes it possible for me to resist the urge to run out to walmort and buy an over-the-counter UZI and go on a Soylent Green garbage collection run.  Pozitood makes it possible for me to balance the sane-insane formula, pozitood makes it possible to smile and laugh when it seems hardest and even inappropriate.  Nothing better than an inappropriate smile, that unpredictable pozitoodinal outreach.  Pozitood makes it possible for me to positively impact lives of everyone around me when sometimes i can’t even do it for myself (remember those who can’t teach).  Pozitood is my life force that we need to share with everyone in the world.  Unfortunately there be a few million truck loads of people who just “doan” (as Ricky Ricardo would say) get it….i hold out hope that someday they will….the shadow side hopes the truck just runs them fucking over…..hehehehehe

Made a sign up for parking in my lot during the big EEEEE, it read:

PARKING $10

Free Positive Karma

Funny, lots of people read the sign, smiled and laughed, lots more people don’t read signs or see people in the crosswalk….ouch 

Day 15, 729 of the big e hostage taking continues…..i believe my captors are weakening and can see the end in sight….only 4 more days……

So another adventure begins, i gotta cargo load of pozitood, an Anderson Valley Brewing company tye-dye on and my underwear on the outside…..i think i am ready to tackle anything……

Yee Fucking HA!

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Squiggly fucking things

Shine on you  crazy fucking diamond!  I said a hip hop the hippie the hippie to the hip hip hop, a you don’t stop
the rock it to the bang bang  boogie say up jumped the boogie to the rhythm of the boogie, the beat.

Gone off the edge folks….don’t know when i’ll be back

gotta stop on ormond street so the voices can see where they started

cuz I am leaving on a jet plane

gone to carolina in my mind

mind over matter

if it don’t matter don’t mind

rewind  the mind

remind the wind

prance without your pants

take the chance

excuse me, i need a moment with my mind

yo, voices in my head, could you all just shut the FUCK UP for a few minutes.   JUST FOR A FEW FUCKING minutes….thanks

i just declared a jihad on myself in the name of Islam

my bags are packed with number 2 pencils and tropicana fruit punch

I got a ton of food but nothing for lunch

I got white bread and fluff which never seems enough

noise in my ears is making me mad

mad like crazy like crazy like mad

i don’t read what i type and i don’t type what i read ( i’d be joe biden if i did)

the elastic finally snapped and there’s no place where to land

the balsa wood plane carries only balsa wood people

going to balsa wood island

on a balsa wood vacation

mrs. wood loves balsa wood

wear your underwear on the outside

they’ll stay cleaner that way

dog food spells like shit, no wonder dog shit smells so bad

Oops, don’t know how dog food spells at all, i do know that it smells like shit

dog food can’t even talk

at least that is what i thought until last night

i am inside the forest and can’t see the trees through the shrimp toast

who the fuck cares there’s a cacophony in my head and it’s playing my tune

my tune will be available later this week on eye tune….

it’s a real eye catching number

stop the FUCKING shouting or i am going to make us get off of the ride

so many rides and so few brain cells

it’s too dark to turn on the lights – i can’t find the switch

it’s always better with the lights on – keeps the evil doers away

often the lights only come on after i close my eyes

lights on but no one is home

home is where the no one is

is, is where the is was

was is where the is wiz

therefore the was must be the bathroom

faster faster the ride keeps going faster

faster faster the ride keeps going faster

where the fuck did all the spiders come from

seriously, look outside, there’s spiders every fucking where 

stop in the name of love billy jo mcallister

billy jo ain’t the type of girl you want to take bungeee jumping

stike up the band maestro

strike out the band pedro

band up the pedro maestro

whacka mole

whacka mole`

molay, molay, molay, molay 

kibbles and bits, kibbles and bits

i feel like a number

a number of what i don’t know

you want ice water….cut up some onions that’ll make your eye’s water 

day 3,460 of the big e (aka world’s largest goat rodeo) hostage taking…..i’ll be free in 5 days…..

no you can’t piss in the was unless of course you’re a customer of is

cause the was is only for the is wiz

but what a wonderful wiz he was

remember nobody beats the wiz and if you do you might go blind

parking is free, positive karma is $10 

From the Waters, Gilmore boys….nuff said…. 

“Brain Damage” 

The lunatic is on the grass
The lunatic is on the grass
Remembering games and daisy chains and laughs
Got to keep the loonies on the path
The lunatic is in the hall
The lunatics are in my hall
The paper holds their folded faces to the floor
And every day the paper boy brings more
And if the dam breaks open many years too soon
And if there is no room upon the hill
And if your head explodes with dark forbodings too
I’ll see you on the dark side of the moon
The lunatic is in my head
The lunatic is in my head
You raise the blade, you make the change
You re-arrange me ’till I’m sane
You lock the door
And throw away the key
There’s someone in my head but it’s not me.
And if the cloud bursts, thunder in your ear
You shout and no one seems to hear
And if the band you’re in starts playing different tunes
I’ll see you on the dark side of the moon
“I can’t think of anything to say except…
I think it’s marvellous! HaHaHa!”

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Pozitoodinal ReCharge Wadda Day

To quote those boys from Boston led by Liv Tylers dad – I’m Back in the Saddle Again!  Pozitoodinally recharged!

Needed a good 24 hours to detox or was it retox….whatever.  All I know is that I wasn’t me for a couple days.  Don’t quite know who I was but I wasn’t me.

Laughing always is a good way to recharge the pozitoodinal batteries.

I laughed this morning as I put on my jeans because I remembered the time I ruined a pair of jeans in the most bizzare way.  You see I had switched over to the button-fly model years ago because I figured it was safer.  Safer in that it is near impossible to catch your weiner in button fly jeans.  Come on you gotta be really fucked up to button your johnson into your pants and even then it doesn’t hurt nearly as bad as catching ye old wanker in the zipper of your jeans.

Well I had one pair of “zipper” fly jeans left.  So after a night of strong beer drinking or was it a night of drinking strong beer?  Regardless, nature called quite urgently.  Into the mens room I ran – well sort of ran.  You know that peepee kinda run.  Anyway, I get in front of the urinal and grab the top of my jeans and rip them open.  That is the great benefit to having on button fly jeans you can grab the top button and rip the pants open quikly.  Unfortunately, in my haste to answer natures call I forgot that I had my “zipper” fly jeans on.  Suffice to say that the zipper and rip in the crotch of my jeans stopped somewhere just above my knee (I really had to pee).  Thank god I had a sweat shirt on that I was able to afix around my waist to conceal sir thomas and his boys.

Anyway….a big POZITOODINAL shout out to y’all.  Have a great day today and make sure you make eye contact and smile with everyone you walk by today……be that light of pozitoodinal love.  Because folks, you just don’t know if that plane flying over you is carrying live nuclear warheads…..god bless military intelligence and jumbo shrimp……..

BOOM!  Did I scare ya!  Hahahahahahaha

 Cheers

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