Been a long time since I rock ‘ed and roll ‘ed

WOW!  What an unbelievable weekend.  Definitely put this old tired fat ass to the test.  Started Friday by working for 13 hours in a 128 degree kitchen….Swwwweeet.  Kicked major pizza ass and got through the day and night.

That led to Saturday…up early to VT to play Jew to J&D’s Pharaoh.  Unfortunately I knew our personal Moses dude wasn’t gonna show up to lead us to freedom.  So reluctantly we showed up to move us a large pile of rocks.  Actually, a more accurate statement would be a pile of LARGE rocks.  Christ on a crutch!  These were some big fucking rocks.  Maybe boulders would be more accurate…any bigger and the fucking things would need their own zip code.

I’d love to see the face of the truck driver that dropped them off.  Big ass smile as he thought, better them than me!

Damn things were heavy!  Lift with your legs was the mantra of the day.  Smooth flowing Heinie’s also helped ease the pain.

Lots of help from friends – S, K, S you know who you bee…..rock on!  You all kicked major rock.  Talk about being between a rock and a hard place….

The day went quick and the rocks got moved.  The only serious casualties were the carts that we used to haul these monsters around…..so much for the 1,000 capacity….that’s crap.

The team had time to jump in the pool, hit the ponies for a quick $120 YEE HAA and then grab some great chinese food….Who would have thunk that great chinese existed in the happy hamlet of borroville…

Got up on Sunday, not feeling too bad considering we moved a small pyramid of rocks, and realizing the Pharaoh’s had left their guard down and there were no duties to perform on this mighty day of rest.  That could mean only one thing – grab the dirt bikes and let’s roll.

Now here’s the funny thing…..I ain’t never been on a dirt bike in my life….maybe 35 years ago but who the hell can remember that far ago.  S & M – da boys told me it was not a big deal….sort of like mountain biking.

Hmmm, I thought, I really didn’t do to well at mountain biking….I remember that ill fated trip to Mt. Snow.  It sounded great in the brochure…..”Take a scenic ride up the chairlift to the top of the mountain and then ride down the beautifully scenic biking and skiing trails.”

After watching a video on the dangers of mountain biking and then signing a waiver that basically said, “if you are injured or die on the mountain the owners are not liable and just to add insult to the injury (or death) you are responsible for any costs incurred in removing your injured (or dead) body from the mountain.”

So after signing the waiver we got our bikes and gear ready in the parking lot.  My gear that day included a vintage mountain bike (no suspension), a pair of shorts, tank top, bandanna and sunglasses.  Unlike the dudes next to us who were putting on enough body armor to take on Darth Vader’s next wave of assault androids. 

It was at about this point that I was beginning to question my sanity for dragging L along to do this…Unfortunately the insane voice of my ego quickly squashed the sane voice of reason.

Up the lift we went…up and up and up and up, yes and up some more.  Getting off at the top we quickly turned left and began to descend via a series of switchbacks.  Just as the sane voice was beginning to believe the insane voice that everything was cool the trail fell off to the right and went straight down.  Unfortunately I realized it went straight down only after the front tire of my bike began to fall straight down into the void created by the lack of terra firma underneath it.

Uh oh, was the last thing I remember any voice in my head saying as my front tire was quickly stopped in mid air by a root the size of a large anaconda sending my ass flying over the front handlebars.  Mary Lou Retton would have been proud of the perfectly executed front somersault I performed.  She would have not liked the landing which was done on my ass.

Getting up I did a checklist of body parts and functions and all seemed well…..Getting back up on the bike…..always have to get back up; I made my way over to a wide open ski run.  This should be easier the insane voice said, sure said the obviously rattled sane voice.

Hmmm, I never realized how steep these ski runs are.  Wow!  Shit! Yikes! Oh crap….it was at this point I had both brakes locked (front and rear tire) and I was experiencing something I had never experienced before in my life…..I was continuing to accelerate down the mountain.  Isn’t the fundamental concept of brakes to slow one down?  AHHHHH, faster I went, hmmm how the fuck am I going to stop.  It was at that moment that I hit one of those dirt roads that traverse the ski hill.  BAM, BOOM, BAM….here we go again….off the front of the bike landing in thick heavy overgrown grass. 

Once again checking my appendages and discovering them all there I decided to do what any SANE person would do.  I proceeded to have a beautiful half hour hike with my bike as I walked down the rest of the mountain.  Once at the bottom we packed up the bikes and moved over to the cross country trails…..

Too be Continued

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Been a long time since I rock ‘ed and roll ‘ed

  1. betty

    Don’t leave me hanging……oh that was what you were doing. Thought I had gone beyond getting gray hair time with you! You wont recognize me Friday my hair is white.LOLOLOL

  2. The Fenz

    Better not tell her any more, P…. There are things she doesn’t need to know…..

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