Never thought I’d be happy to be back from one of the most beautiful spots in the world….Cape Poge on Chappaquiddick…but I am. I missed the Happy Valley. Yes, the same Chappaquiddick made famous by the senior senator from massatwoshits who was responsible for the death of Mary Jo Kopechne by driving off a dirt road and into a tidal channel on July 18, 1969. Some how he was able to swim free. Ms. Kopechne was not so lucky.
I thought about trying to re-enact the event but my cash flow shortage and lack of political connections prevented me from seeing how long a 6,000 lb Suburban would float in said channel.
Trust me, it was stressful enough when I managed to almost bury the Suburban in the sand. Sometimes I can be very dumb.
Note: when the sign says deflate your tires to 15 PSI, don’t deflate them to 20 PSI and think that’s close enough (like I did cuz I am lazy). 20 PSI ain’t 15 PSI. If the sign says 15 PSI, it does so for a reason.
During the course of my stay I rescued 4 other vehicles from the being stuck in the sand simply by lowering their tire pressure to 15 PSI.
Cape Poge is such a cool area – check it out http://www.thetrustees.org/pages/286_cape_poge_wildlife_refuge.cfm
The wildlife is unbelievable. I stood in thigh deep water watching Common Terns slam headfirst into the water 15 feet from me catching small fish to eat. They are soooo cool. Common Terns are hard-working birds with the adults flying between 200 and 350 miles daily in search of small fish, which they capture by plunge diving headlong into the water. Then there was the Osprey. A true raptor. They have a 6 foot wingspan and live mainly on fish. Wow, how cool are they. Like the Terns, only way bigger, they ride the updrafts looking at the water for their prey. Then they fold back their wings and plunge into the water with talons bared. Doing a little research I found out that the Osprey is capable of diving 1 meter (3.3 feet) below the surface of the water. I was lucky enough to see one emerge and fly away with a good sized fish for dinner. Interesting note is that these Ospreys migrate in the winter to South America, some 3,500 miles away!
So there I was standing thigh deep in the not to cold waters of Cape Poge Bay about 200 yards from shore lazily casting my line out in an attempt to land the mother of all fish. Casting is very meditative in nature, especially when I am doing it and my repetitive castings are not interrupted by a fish biting onto my lure.
So here I am zoning out 200 yards from shore when 30 feet in front of me the water explodes like someone had just thrown a large rock into the water.
Damn kid I thought, forgetting how far out I was I quickly turned to tell the 7 year old that was with us to stop throwing rocks so close to me. It was at this point that I realized there was no 7 year old behind me and what made the water explode was that mother of all fishes.
It was at this point when I thought to myself:
“Self, you are 200 yards from shore on a sand bar, you are wearing only a bathing suit (scary enough) and have a fishing pole…..if by some stroke of baby jesus miraculous luck you were to hook onto the mother of all fish, what the fuck would you do.”
Hmmmm, good point.
At this moment the conversation I was having with myself was interrupted again by the water exploding a mere 30 feet from me. This time like someone dropped a quarter stick of dynamite in the water….
Hmmm, thinking to myself, “I wish we hadn’t watched Jaws 15 times since we’ve been on vacation. Hmmm that must be a big fucking fish, maybe I should move in a little closer to shore.”
Slowly, like that damn leg of the sailing instructor floating to the bottom of the sea in Jaws, I began to ease my way back to the shore.
I got back within 25 yards of shore and resumed casting. I figured even in my out-of-shape state I could run 25 yards in knee deep water if the mother of all fishes mistakenly identified me as her next meal.
I spent another 30 minutes trying to find that perfect cast to attract that mother of all fishes but with no luck. But I didn’t care. I had survived a close encounter with the mother of all fishes. A fish that was growing in size and ferocity with every stroke of my keyboard.
Returning to our Al Qaeda like beach camp I sat in my chair and enjoyed a cold beer reveling in my battle with the mother of all fishes.
It was about this time when I asked the 3 year old in our party to come over and give me the paper towel he had just picked up off the beach.
He looked at me, with a gleam in his eye that I had never seen before in a 3 year old. Turning away from me he pulled down his bathing suit, bent over and pointed to his pale white moon and laughed hysterically.
I sat there, trying not to laugh for fear of encouraging this behavior. I had just been mooned by a 3 year old. Sorry, I started laughing, much to the dismay of his mom and dad, laughing to the point I was crying. When I finally could compose myself I thought to myself, maybe just maybe, this is what it is all about.
With that I called the 3 year olds name to get his attention, stood up and mooned him.
I pulled up my suit and turned around to see him wide eyed and laughing and I knew at this moment all was right in the world.
So go spread the love. Spread may be an inappropriate choice of words. Just say yes to crack – go moon someone today. Maybe, just maybe it will make the world a little better place today.