Lord of the Land

Today is one of those days where I wish I owned an ice cream store and not a pizza restaurant.  Even with every ton of AC we have cranking, it’s about a buck twenty five in front of the stove and pizza ovens.  Let me put it another way, it’s fucking hot.  But I am not complaining.  Yes I am.  Fuck off.

I got a landlord who is a dick.  He’s a dick for many reasons but today the reason he is a dick is that he refused to put in an AC system in that would actually cool the building.  Nope, had to go the cheap route.  Now my customers and I get to sit around and sweat our boobies off.  Oops, watch out my boobie just sweated off.  Damn, come back here boobie.  Damn it, my boobie just ran into the walk in cooler.  What a smart boobie….there you are, come over here and get back on my chest.  Good boobie.

Hey dude why do you have that eggplant in your shirt? 

Huh, waddya talking about?

Dude, you got an eggplant in your shirt.

No I don’t that’s my boobie

No dude it’s an eggplant

SHIT!  It is an eggplant.  Fuck, I must have been hallucinating from the heat.  I thought my boobie sweated off and ran into the walk in cooler

Dude, you’re fucked up.

Damn – I need to have a talk with my little friend the mezcal worm  http://www.tastings.com/spirits/tequila.html.  That will straighten me out.  Fuck, this heat has me thinking crazy.

Where the fuck was I, oh yea,  landlord, what a medieval word when you think about it.  Land LORD.  I am the lord of this land.  This is my land and I am lord of it.  Fuck off you minions and pay me my rent for I am the lord of this land!  If you do not pay me I will take the land from you for I am the lord of this land. 

Hey, lord of this land, fuck off and put in a damn AC unit that works.  Bastard. 

I hate being a slave to the lord of the land.  I need to be my own lord of the land.  I think I would be a good lord of the land.  My minions would worship the ground I walked on.  They’d worship the land of this lord.

Yikes, I am not even a lord of any land and just thinking about it made me turn into some maniacal lunatic. 

Hey lookie over there, my boobie is playing with mr. mezcal worm……it’s gonna be a fun weekend…lock up the women and duct tape the kiddies…or is it the other way around


1 Comment

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One response to “Lord of the Land

  1. Ellen Fenner

    Dude, if I could send you the tears running down my face after that entry, I’m sure they’d cool you off! Try crying….it has a chilling effect…

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