The Adventures of Paddy Mac

it’s 3:30am and i  don’t know why i am alive.  You see, for the past 6 hours i’ve been in a life and death struggle with a nemesis so profane i don’t dear describe it.   

i don’t think it knows where i am right now.  Then again, neither do i.  Nor do i know why i am typing on my laptop.  Surely the light from the screen and the sounds of the keyboard will give away my secure position.  stupid me.

i am so tired.  All i want to do is put my head down and succumb to a sleep so deep that when i awake the world is ok, huh?  fucking weirdo… 

No time for sleep, there are evil doers afoot…hehehe, what if they were  afoot tall evil doers….that would be bizarre.  i bet we could kick their ass…maybe if haliburton was only afoot tall we could kick their ass…..sorry no time for disjointed attacks on bushworld….

Damn it, where the hell is it.  Then again, it could be anywhere. 

Watching me. 

From inside. 

Inside my brain.  That’s stupid how could it be inside my

what’s that sound…….

swoooooooooooooosh

q  u  i  e  t   it’s nearby

shhhhhh

swoooooooooooooosh

when i hold my breath to listen closely the only thing i hear is my heart beating in my ears…kind of strange…never knew my heart was that loud.  I guess that’s a good thing…one day at band camp….i digress

 shhhhh

swoooooooooooooosh

why do i keep typing shhhhh when i am talking to myself…..what a fucking idiot i am

there’s the noise again…….

swoooooooooooooosh

the suns beginning to illuminate the world…..

shhhhh 

i can now make out a few shadows…..i must be in the woods

how the fuck did i get into the woods

swooooooooooooooooooosssshhhhh

yikes, there’s the sound again….shit, stay low

swoooooooooooooosh

again, fuck

swoooooooooooooosh

it’s gettin closer, i gotta move

swoooooooooooooosh 

it reads like i am getting stalked by a NIKE logo….what the fuck, where’s my ninjas MJ and Tiger when i need them 

gotta move….talk to you soon…. 

whoa, that was close, i made it to a more secure position and i don’t think it’s tracked me

ah found my cell phone, shit, i never put my ninjas on speed dial, damn it, only Paris comes up and i know she’s in the slammer….damn, battery is dying too

swooooooooshh, shhhreeiiik

christ on a crutch it found me, shit

oh god, here it comes again.

shit

SWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHH

it almost got me, gotta try to do something….

i got it, i’ll throw my cell phone at it

here it comes

steady

steady

now

bastard, the fucking piece of crap took my cell phone….damn

it’s leaving…thank goodness…must be my network….

shit it’s 9am….i gotta get outta here….

wait, what’s that over there?  a car, no a Prius, with Al GOre driving it….i am saved, no one will ever believe me….

beware it had huge fangs that could rip and tear

to be continued

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1 Comment

Filed under them, us

One response to “The Adventures of Paddy Mac

  1. Sounds like a Job for a powerful painkiller… morphine maybe

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