No not your pants. Get your mind outta the gutter you freak.
Those three words are sweet music to my ears. It can only mean one thing. It’s Derby time. Sort of like hammer time but without the gold chains, electric company commercials or bankruptcy. Then again, if ya got a problem with gambling, bankruptcy can be an end result. For those who think they have a gambling problem they can call 800.522.4700. I think that’s the number. Then again it could be the number you call if you’ve had an erection for more than 4 hours…oh well…
Back to the fun….it’s Derby time. Yee Haaa.
Just to be clear – I don’t know who is going to win, I don’t recommend anyone following my guidance. For example, last year for the Belmont I decided that we should throw a shit load of cake on the number 8 horse. Why? It was actually quite simple – the number 8 horse had won the Derby and the Preakness…karma told me that the number 8 horse would win the Belmont. Yes, I talk to karma all the time…..she’s hot.
Did I tell you that the number 8 horse in the Belmont was Jazil…guess what…Jazil won….the cake was sweet that day. To contrast that success I convinced my brother that the best best on the Preakness was Bernadino. Unfortunately I was so wrapped up in telling him why I thought the horse would win, I forget to bet on Bernadino….FYI Bernadino won the Preakness…Ughh. Or maybe there was the Preakness two years ago that as the race ended I was disappointed that the horse I picked didn’t win…only to be told moments later by my good friend Steve that I had in fact hit the trifecta….duh…
A little about Steve. He got me into this whole mess. He and Mikey…damn them all to hell. Hehehehehe. To me there is nowhere I’d rather be than McNeill’s in Brattleboro watching the fastest 2 minutes in sports. It’s a grand day…mix in a Mint Julip (good bourbon with some simple syrup and mint) with a few of Ray’s fine ESB’s top it with a few synaptic provocateurs and you have yourself the makings of a perfect day. Note – Actually the record for the Derby is 1:59 2/5 (races are measured in fifths of a second not hundredths).
1. Who is the Derby record holder?
2. Who is the only other horse to win the Derby in a time under 2 minutes?
3. How many horses have won the triple crown? Bonus name the last three?
4. In order of length from the shortest to the longest name the three races that comprise the triple crown?
5. What is the capital of Assyria?
6. Why is orange?
7. Who will win the Kentucky Derby?
More Derby fodder for those novices in the group:
Length of race – 1 1/4 miles
45 MPH – speed a thoroughbred can maintain for over a mile
1/4 mile – the distance a thoroughbred can typically maintain peak speed
35,000 and 20 – the number of 3 year old thoroughbreds in the world today and the maximum horses run in the Derby
21 4/5 – fastest time for the first quarter mile of the Derby run by Avenger in 1986 (Note: Avenger came in 19th)
21 out of 127 – 21 being the number of horses that have led the Derby from start to finish
1 – the post position the most Derby winners have started from
So let the games begin. The first big event of the week is Wednesday when they decide on the 20 horses that will participate in the Derby and then at 5pm – post positions will be drawn.
So strap on those blinkers and make a track for your nearest OTB. My Saturday will begin with a stop in Hinsdale to get the juices flowing, a trip McNeill’s for adult beverages and to collect any wagers folks want to make, a trip back to Hinsdale to place the wagers and then finally back to McNeill’s for the Kentucky Derby. Somewhere I have to find time for food and a few synaptic provocateurs…. Cheers….
3. 11 horses have won the triple crown. Last three: Affirmed, Seattle Slew and Secretariat
4. Preakness (1 1/8 miles), Kentucky Derby (1 1/4 miles), Belmont (1 1/2 miles)
5. There have been four capitals of Assyria (Ashur, Calah, Dur Sharrukin and Ninevah) – all fall within the borders of Iraq
6. Why not.
7. Any number of horses…KARMA ALERT…..Tiago is the half brother of Giacomo. He, like Giacomo is ridden by Michael Smith and trained by John Shirreffs. Tiago was the 25 – 1 upset winner at the Santa Anita Derby… Don’t rule out Cornholio…there’s no business like show business like no business I know…..remember to check the weather because a storm in may could blind some folks even if the sky is grey…