I decided today that I have too much to do.  I was exhausted by simply making a list of what needs to get done.  I am paralyzed into non-activity by all the activity I need to do.  I just can’t do it.  Well that’s not true.  I can do all of it if I really choose to do it.  Right now, however, I am not inclined to do any of it.  A friend of mine once said of procrastination, “why do today what you may not have to do tomorrow.”  I love that thought.  Unfortunately I have found my friends guidance a wee bit misguiding.  You see, when something ends up on the “to do” list it never, ever ends up on the “you don’t need to do it” list.  

Speaking of getting shit done.  Last week I had to fire my third shift.  They didn’t do shit.  Every morning I woke up and nothing on my “to do” list was done.  No progress.  Fucking bastards.  If I am not around to motivate them they spend all night lounging about drinking beer, doing bong hits and chasing lime green lemurs while giving Paris Hilton a piggyback ride.  Ughh!  

So, now I have to put together an on-line ad for a new team of third shift resources.

Wanted – multi-talented figments of my imagination to work on my personal “to do” list while I sleep comfortably in bed.  Compensation commensurate with experience.  Apply within…..

How cool would that be – your own personal third shift.  You know a team of folks that will pick up the slack and work on your personal list of things to do while you sleep and dream about your “don’t need to do it list.”   

Is there such thing as a “you don’t need to do it” list?  Hmmm, I like the concept.  You compile the list during the day of things you don’t need to do and then at the end of the day you can check them all of as not being done.

What a satisfying way to end the day.  Everything on the list would not be done.  The ultimate sense of achievement.  I just started my list for today:

Pats – Wednesday -You Don’t Need To Do it

Paint the dog
Mow the carpet
Shave the cat
Figure out where jesus’s bones are
Eliminate nuclear waste
Run the Kentucky Derby
Carve a pumpkin
Burn a pile of tires
Find my lost skull and bones tree house key

 Wow – I am feeling better already!  I haven’t done shit and already have gotten a lot accomplished.


PS.  Remember full lunar eclispe on March 3!



1 Comment

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One response to “Lists

  1. Well. I was about to apply for the 3rd shift gig. Sounds right up my dark alley, dig? Hell I know all about the kind of get rich quick slack-jaw jollies the overnight work crew gets into.

    Get rich quick slack-jaw jollies?

    It takes a steady month unemployed to even think to say such a thing!

    So much for job applications!

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