Boy, there are a lot of folks that meet the criteria established by my title. I could venture forth a diatribe on politics, religion, sports and even the weird world of people we’ve come to label as “celebrities.” Maybe we should talk about how all the evils that befall men and women can be attributed (blamed) on anything from: too much sugar cereal, drugs, alcohol, childhood abuse, money, poverty and even society. Yes, that’s it we’ll blame society. Society will be going on trial in the spring.
What I find interesting is that today, by simply sequestering ones self away in some form of rehabilitation or taking yet another magic pill you can cure everything from homosexuality and drug abuse to the worst forms of prejudice and violence. Don’t get me wrong, there is a lot of good work being done by certified rehab programs across the country.
That said, no one must be more excited than the New Life Church with the news that after intensive rehabilitation former founder/leader and meth buyer Ted Haggard has been cured of his homosexuality and has been given a clean bill of heterosexual health. Amazing that after 3 weeks of intensive counseling Haggard has pronounced himself “completely heterosexual.” Unfucking believable.
Can I get a hallelujah from everyone. Amen!
Check out this a quote from these wonderful christian folks regarding Haggard, ““In the message, Haggard revealed that he and his wife, Gayle, intend to leave Colorado Springs and pursue master’s degrees through online courses. Haggard mentioned Missouri and Iowa as possible destinations. Another oversight board member, the Rev. Mike Ware of Westminster, said the group recommended the move out of town, and the Haggards agreed. “This is a good place for Ted,” Ware said. “It’s hard to heal in Colorado Springs right now. It’s like an open wound. He needs to get somewhere he can get the wound healed.”
Haggard and his band of “merry christians” all deserve one another. Wow, did I digress….. how the hell did I get on that tangent.
About the clown. It was 12 years ago that I sat in my car at a stop light on the Surface Road in downtown Boston with tears running down my face. Tears that were the result of me having one of the best laughs of my life at myself.
Well, on that day I was overcome with a tremendous sense of humor.
A sense of humor that just minutes before was no where in sight as I was in the midst of some serious road rage.
You see, I was driving through Boston under the expressway (yes before the Big Dig) and I was cut off by a large van. This pissed me off and I floored the gas pedal to accelerate to catch up to the van. As I pulled up along side the van I rolled my window down and screamed, “what are you a fucking clown!” As the words “fucking clown” rolled off my tongue my brain slowly processed the fact that the driver of the van was in fact a clown. No really, an orange-haired, red nosed, Barnum & Baileys, Baraboo Wisconsin clown college fucking graduate. No really, it was a real fucking clown. I am not kidding. It was a fucking clown. Luckily for me that the clowns window was up and he had no clue that this clown was sceaming at that clown or we might have had a clown throw down.
So back to the stop light. I continue to sit there laughing my ass of. Sitting there to the point where I am now causing road rage for the folks behind me as I have sat through an entire green light cycle. I don’t give a shit cuz I am still laughing my ass off. “It was a real fucking clown,” I say out loud to no one in particular, a “real fucking clown.” What are the chances?
I slowly pullaway from the light with the tears of laughter still rolling down my face and think about how lucky I am to have just experienced the ultimate cure for road rage. A good ass off laugher.
I think that to have a true sense of humor you have to have the ability to laugh at oneself. Humor is a remarkable force that we need to spend more time cultivating and sharing. As Mark Twain once said, “Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritation and resentments slip away, and a sunny spirit takes their place.”
So next time you’re hit with that bout of road rage, think about the clown and smile. That is unless your one of those people who suffer from coulrophobia (fear of clowns). In that case you’re shit outta luck.