Time Ceased to be a constant

Wow, I have been gone for quite some time.  The holidaze have come and gone.  We’ve turned the calendar to a new year.  Mother nature has decided to ass whoop the northeast with copious amounts of snow and what seems like weeks of sub zero temperatures and my best friend, Otis the bug fluffy headed dog left on his next journey.  Way to soon but I guess he had other things to do.  God speed my friend.

So now it’s just me and Bob. You remember Bob, don’t you?  Bob the miniature, talking elephant who at will can make himself invisible.  You know, Bob the one who somehow talked me into working our way onto a private jet that I think was chartered to Paris Hilton.  I think it was one of those G5 Gulfstreams.  It was a wild ride to say the least.  You know, Bob the one with a penchant for washing handfuls of synaptic provocateurs down with tequila.  You know, Bob the one who everytime he shows up, I get in trouble.

Well Bob showed up a couple days ago claiming that he had a vision and he had to come back to help save my soul which he said was dark and restless.  It seems Bob has spent the past 6 months in the jungles of Peru at some shaman retreat consuming vast quantities of ayahuasca and traveling the dimensions of his soul.  I think there was a little frog licking at some point too.

Bob was right, my soul has been dark and restless.  I’ve lost my edge.  More importantly I lost my ability to find my way to the edge.  I love the edge.

So Bob shows up with a bag full of what he calls magic soul straightening vices.  Not necessarily the kind of vices one might find in a workshop.  These are magic vices.  Organic vices.  Vices to straighten one’s soul.  Vices to help you find the edge.

So being a good sport, albeit a skeptical sport I said to Bob, “bring’em on, let’s get my soul straight.”  Well that was a week ago.  I think.  I don’t remember…..

I do remember going up in an elevator at work and getting off on the 14th floor.  I remember thinking that it didn’t look the same as it did when i was there a few days before.  I did remember that when I was here a few days before that they were moving a bunch of folks to a lower floor.  Anyway I went over to the door for the conference room area and since I didn’t have my employee badge I had to knock on the door.  When the door was opened standing there was someone I didn’t recognize.  What was really odd was that the person was dressed in a bathrobe and was wearing a large sunhat and sunglasses. I don’t remember thinking if they were male or female. They looked at me and asked what I wanted.  I said I was there for the meeting.  They said there was no meeting.  They said there never was a meeting.  They asked, “where are you from?”  I said I am from 2015.  They laughed and said that can’t be because it’s 2035.  What do you mean it’s 2035.

I stood there and thought, hmmmm,  why did I answer 2015 when they asked me where I was from and where did the past 20 years go.

Myy deep thoughts were swept away in an instance as the ever insistent Bob ran over and handed me a cup full of this greenish, brown liquid and told me to drink it quick.  I drank it quickly.  It was awful, Bob laughed.  It’s never a good sign when Bob laughs.

Time ceased to be a constant for me. I don’t ever remember being as free.  Totally unbound by the constraints of time.  I wasn’t late, I wasn’t early, I wasn’t there, I wasn’t here, I just was and that was cool.  The trip had just begun and I was happy that Bob was my pilot.

 

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Once again, thank you mom nature for all you do

As I headed up the road that my house is on my headlights illuminated the coyote on the side of the road.

I have seen the coyote before.

Then he was bounding across the road, perpendicular to the path of my car, a muscled blur of gray and tan. Tonight the coyote was walking towards me on the left side of the road. We were less than a half mile from my house.

Who knows how far he was from his.

As my car approached him he didn’t run away. He took a couple of steps into the woods on the side of the road. As I pulled up to him I stopped the car and rolled the drivers side window down and said, “hello.” I was probably 10 to 15 feet away from him when I said hello. He didn’t say anything. He just stood there eyeing me curiously, probably thinking what the hell does this guy want. I said “hello” again.

He took another step deeper into the woods.

I am sure he was thinking that I was crazy. Then again, it’s not everyday I try talking to a coyote. Obviously I need to practice my coyote pick up lines.

We stayed like that for a couple minutes – him a couple steps into the woods, me sitting in my car with the window open trying to have a conversation with a coyote.

It was pretty cool, he was beautiful. Obviously well fed. We finally broke off our conversation. A pretty one-sided conversation at that. I said goodnight and drove away.

I’d love to tell you he nodded at me or howled into the night but no. I just drove away. Mother nature is pretty cool and every once in a while she works a little magic. Tonight was one of those instances of mom nature magic.

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What do you do for a living?

So what do you do for a living? How many times have you been asked that question? How many times do you answer with a description of your current job? I know, so many questions.

I know many people who for them, their job, is their life. At some point they’ve worked at their job for so long they see it as their life. They know nothing else. At some point they come to believe that their job makes them.

For some folks their job is their passion. I am not sure if they’re passionate about their job or their job is their passion. If you can work at your passion, you are very lucky.

For some folks, when that job goes away, either layed-off or retired their life is never the same. Some times, especially in the case of being layed-off, bad things can happen. How man times do you read about someone who worked their whole life and then they retire and after a short while after they pass away.

You make the job. The job doesn’t make you.

What you do for living should be what makes you smile. It should be what makes you feel passion in that place they call a soul. What you do for a living should make other people feel good. What you do for a living should make you feel good. What you do for a living should positively impact this place we call home. What you do for a living should make a positive difference.

What I do for a living, or a least try to do for a living is make people smile, laugh and feel better about being part of this thing we call the human race. What I do for a living is challenge people to be better. To think. To aspire. To love. To care.

So you have a little time to think about your answer. What do you do for a living? I can’t wait to hear.

One last thought, if you really want to fuck with people (like you really thought I’d get through an entire blog posting without using the word fuck – HA. I am my mother’s son after all).

Like I said, if you really want to fuck with people, the next time someone casually asks you, “What do you do?” Look at them with a most puzzled look on your face and reply, “About what?” Hahahaha, it gets them everytime.

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The price is night

Hello loser. Hey you fucking loser. What, are you trying to sleep? So here it comes. Every fucking thing I’ve fucked up, everyone I’ve hurt, everything I’ve lost decides at this moment to come flooding back into my conscious thought process. Oh no, you couldn’t keep quiet tucked into my subconscious. You couldn’t be satisfied with knowing it’s only a matter of time before I add to the considerable pile stashed in the recessed corners of my mind. Oh no, it’s time. I can hear my conscious Bob Barker shouting, “come on down, the price is fucking right, let’s fuck with him now.”

I’d pay big pharmaceutical dollars to not be typing onto this screen at this moment. I’d love to be in a blissful pharmacological stupor. I’d love to not have fucked up literally everything in my life.

The voices are so loud tonight. Louder than they’ve been in a long time. I keep feeding them. I don’t mean to but it all stays inside. It all stays inside.

My earliest memories are of the screaming voices in my head. Not playing in the backyard on a sunny day, not swinging on a swing, not some warm family moment captured forever on the cover of some hallmark card. I remember the feeling of the screaming in my head. I remember how the screaming in my head made me feel. It hurt my stomach.

It’s funny, I don’t recall ever being able to discern words. It was more the physical impact of the screaming inside my head. I guess it’s like people’s reactions to the sound of fingernails on a blackboard. But not really.

A recoil. How do you recoil from a sound in your head. Unlike the blackboard you can’t physically move away from sounds in your head.

Ormond Street. Right off of Bridgeport avenue. That’s where I first heard them. Actually, that’s where I first felt them.

I remember trying to cover my ears so I couldn’t hear them. It didn’t work. Nothing worked. Nothing works.

It’s okay though. They’re my noise and my voices. Weird though, they are not my screams.

There you go, are you happy now? You bastards of cranial cacophony.

Don’t be afraid, it’s all in my head.

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Karma Gargoyles

The karma gargoyles are loud tonight. I like when they’re loud, It means that they’ve evened a score somewhere for someone. I don’t mind that the sound of the crunching and snapping of bones keeps me awake.

It’s a good awake. At least for me. Somewhere, someone didn’t enjoy the night. Somewhere, someone incurred the wrath of the karma gargoyles.

Somewhere, someone is no more. Somewhere karma evened the score.

They are going crazy tonight. I never realized how much the snapping of bones sounds like branches breaking. Based on what I can hear it sounds like a karma ice storm hit a whole bunch of people tonight.

The karma gargoyles aren’t quick. Sometimes it takes them a while to react. They do have a pretty full agenda.

Ouch, that was a juicy one. I think I heard a little splatter after that snap.

I love these little stone enforcers of the good way. May your pozitoodinal righteousness light up the night.

Rock on you bone snapping righters off wrong, eveners of scores and balancers of the day. Rock on.

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Good night to you Mr. Robin Williams

“When you live in the shadow of insanity, the appearance of another mind that thinks and talks as yours does is something close to a blessed event.”. Robert Pirzig

Robin Williams, you were a blessed event, thank you. Rest in peace

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The Company We Keep

The company we keep is all in my head
it’s safer that way
Given what gets said
Sometimes it’s laughter
and sometimes it’s not
Banter and chatter
it’s all what we thought

The company we keep is all in my head
it’s safer that way
That’s what she said
Sometimes it’s laughter
and sometimes it’s not
A complex disaster
Of emotions and thought

The company we keep is all in my head
Alone in a crowd
A feeling of dread
We look in the mirror
They’re laughing at me
The picture is clearer
It’s only one we can see

The company we keep is all in my head
Strike up the band
It’s a long road ahead
Let’s all sing along
Thou we can’t hear a note
The noise is too strong
Don’t touch the remote

The company we keep is all in my head
It’s standing room only
says the sign overhead
We ask them to stop
and they laugh at me more
Climb up to the to top
We know we can soar

The company I keep is all in my head
it’s safer that way
Given what gets said
Sometimes it’s laughter
and sometimes it’s not
Banter and chatter
it’s all what I thought

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