Wow, I have been gone for quite some time. The holidaze have come and gone. We’ve turned the calendar to a new year. Mother nature has decided to ass whoop the northeast with copious amounts of snow and what seems like weeks of sub zero temperatures and my best friend, Otis the bug fluffy headed dog left on his next journey. Way to soon but I guess he had other things to do. God speed my friend.
So now it’s just me and Bob. You remember Bob, don’t you? Bob the miniature, talking elephant who at will can make himself invisible. You know, Bob the one who somehow talked me into working our way onto a private jet that I think was chartered to Paris Hilton. I think it was one of those G5 Gulfstreams. It was a wild ride to say the least. You know, Bob the one with a penchant for washing handfuls of synaptic provocateurs down with tequila. You know, Bob the one who everytime he shows up, I get in trouble.
Well Bob showed up a couple days ago claiming that he had a vision and he had to come back to help save my soul which he said was dark and restless. It seems Bob has spent the past 6 months in the jungles of Peru at some shaman retreat consuming vast quantities of ayahuasca and traveling the dimensions of his soul. I think there was a little frog licking at some point too.
Bob was right, my soul has been dark and restless. I’ve lost my edge. More importantly I lost my ability to find my way to the edge. I love the edge.
So Bob shows up with a bag full of what he calls magic soul straightening vices. Not necessarily the kind of vices one might find in a workshop. These are magic vices. Organic vices. Vices to straighten one’s soul. Vices to help you find the edge.
So being a good sport, albeit a skeptical sport I said to Bob, “bring’em on, let’s get my soul straight.” Well that was a week ago. I think. I don’t remember…..
I do remember going up in an elevator at work and getting off on the 14th floor. I remember thinking that it didn’t look the same as it did when i was there a few days before. I did remember that when I was here a few days before that they were moving a bunch of folks to a lower floor. Anyway I went over to the door for the conference room area and since I didn’t have my employee badge I had to knock on the door. When the door was opened standing there was someone I didn’t recognize. What was really odd was that the person was dressed in a bathrobe and was wearing a large sunhat and sunglasses. I don’t remember thinking if they were male or female. They looked at me and asked what I wanted. I said I was there for the meeting. They said there was no meeting. They said there never was a meeting. They asked, “where are you from?” I said I am from 2015. They laughed and said that can’t be because it’s 2035. What do you mean it’s 2035.
I stood there and thought, hmmmm, why did I answer 2015 when they asked me where I was from and where did the past 20 years go.
Myy deep thoughts were swept away in an instance as the ever insistent Bob ran over and handed me a cup full of this greenish, brown liquid and told me to drink it quick. I drank it quickly. It was awful, Bob laughed. It’s never a good sign when Bob laughs.
Time ceased to be a constant for me. I don’t ever remember being as free. Totally unbound by the constraints of time. I wasn’t late, I wasn’t early, I wasn’t there, I wasn’t here, I just was and that was cool. The trip had just begun and I was happy that Bob was my pilot.