Back in the saddle again. Damn its been a long time since my head was able to get around a few letters. It actually feels good to be able to form a few cogent thoughts. That is a stretch, I am not sure any of what follows would be characterized as cogent.
With apologies to Aerosmith, I have hijacked an old song of theirs for the title today.
I wrote hijacked. Should I be looking out the window for helicopters?
The Prius is the new Buick!
Huh?
It makes me so sad to say that because I was an original Pruis owner in 2001. Some how the brand has been hijacked (HA, wrote it again) by a tribe of grey pony-tailed, acid flash-back having, baby seal bumper sticker loving nimrods who have the driving skills of, well, drunk howler monkeys. How else do you explain the black Prius travelling at 55 miles per hour in the center lane of the highway during rush hour when the speed limit is 65 mph and the tolerated speed during rush hour is 75 mph – 80 mph?
This type of navigational yeast infection historically has been limited to chronologically gifted adults who purchased their Buick Park Avenue sometime during the Reagan presidency. You know the one. After thirty some odd years it still has only 18,000 miles on it and has never be driven faster than 50 mph.
It was so funny. As I pass the Prius I look over and sure enough, the drunk howler monkey is sitting there, his hands at 10am and 2pm on the steering wheel, just like the driving instruction book says. His posture is perfect otherwise I wouldn’t see his long grey pony-tail cascading down his back. He sat there, motoring down the highway, obviously experiencing an acid-flashback because he was totally oblivious to the world around him which is pretty common with the self-centered, tofu snorting, drunk howler monkey way of life.
Come on, you never experienced the Prius around town that just stops on its own for no reason. Well, maybe the howler monkey saw a pretty flower on the side of the road. Or you never experienced the magic Prius that turns without using its turn signal. It’s all okay because they are the only cars on the road. I mean come on, it has to always be about drunk howler monkeys.
My favorite is the drunk howler monkey who decides to pull over and open the Prius door in downtown traffic regardless of any cars coming up on them. Remember, there are no other cars on the road, just drunk howler monkey operating Prius.
Saddle on up drunk howler monkeys. I am going out and finding a 1982 Buick with a vinyl roof, old Lark cigarette butts in the ash tray and a working 8-track player. Then it’s just you and me, drunk howler monkey.
Note: No howler monkeys were injured or made to ingest alcohol during the creation of this post.
That said, Bob my miniature, talking, semi-invisible elephant was cocked during the writing of this post and does a pretty good howler monkey impersonation.
Also, any similarities between the action of humans driving Prius’ and howler monkeys is not intentional and in no way implies that howler monkeys would drive in a similar inane manner. Howler monkeys in fact use a form of arboreal locomotion called brachiation.
Thanks for the useful tip