Nothing to gloss over

He, he, he, he, he, he.

Just saw that some experts concluded putting lip gloss on increases your chances to get skin cancer.

File that under NO SHIT!

Anyone that would use lip gloss instead of a good SPF suntan lotion is crazy.  Never mind the cost!  How many lip glosses does it take just to cover your shoulders.  Damn.

What’s that, oh, they’re just talking about using it on your lips, oh.  Sorry.

To make a comparison, putting lip gloss on ones lips would be like me slathering Wesson cooking oil onto the top of my skull where there once was hair.  I couldn’t imagine going out in the sun with my head shimmering like a silicon enhanced boob found on some oil-wrestling tart.

While we’re talking about things to put on your lips  - get your mind outta the gutter you pigs.  I was going to talk about Chapstick.

I believe that chapstick gives you chapped lips.  Yep, that’s my theory.  The more you use it, the more you need it.  It’s a big conspiracy that is being perpetrated by Wyeth.  Once again, big pharma squeezing us for every cent we have.

Think about it.  If chapstick really worked you’d put it on once and your lips would be all set.  Think about how many chapsticks you’d need in a lifetime - one maybe two.  They’d be outta business.

I know people who are addicted to chapstick and use it year round.  It’s worse than oxy for these poor bastards.  That’s fucked up and it’s all the companies fault!

We need some form of benefit concert.  Some kinda save our lips drive.  Heck, maybe I should start a rehab clinic for habitual chapstick users. 

 

Tags: chapstick, lip gloss, oil wrestling, wyeth